Unfinished & Untitled

16 Comments

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  • Life

    Poem Commentary

    As stated by the title, this needs to be titled, and finished. So I ask you the reader, have at it and finish this piece. Feel free to change whatever you want, and post in the comments below, or if you want to post on your page, then post the link below - enjoy

    Unfinished & Untitled



    The echo of a delicate whisper
    resonates through the song of time
    speaking words that glow through my darkness
    giving me a beacon to follow, a destination to find

    The wind caries the tone
    to which life dances through the night
    spectators we are, destined to dream
    of a far off place beyond our sight

    Living in this world
    to the vision of our eyes
    sometimes missing the truth
    sometimes believing in lies

    Find beauty in life
    by wandering off course
    the beacon guides you home
    and never leaves you lost 

    Living without purpose
    a conscience in eternal strife
    you were asked only to believe
    and to answer with your life

    Ignoring all that exists
    beyond the senses of the mind 
    you create your own rules
    giving you the power to deny

    I could hear your soul's voice calling out
    for the one to ease your pain
    to take you away from all the ones
    that came to you, only to betray

    Looking in the mirror
    you will never see what you truly are
    losing hope in yourself
    the heart becomes scarred


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    sammia commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    09-13-2010

    Artie, I have chose not to add, remove or correct anything within this poem...I wanted to and even came up with a ending stanza but nope I would not do such a thing...Great write...Look within Artie and you will find what your looking for..I am sure of that..
    Reply to Comment

    Musicmynded1 commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    08-24-2010

    (maybe what you seek is one of those ending types that is just like how it began but slightly changed)... otherwise this is pretty flawless and a great write. The echo of a delicate whisper still resonating through the song of time no-longer glowing through my darkness but flooding every shadow with a brilliant light. *BEACON sounds like a good title for it
    Reply to Comment

    Rhymer commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-31-2010

    WOW! What can one say except excellent. This poem speaks to me of watching someone you love being betrayed, their love not returned, being emotionally scarred time and again and you are unable to do anything about it. 10 from me.
    Reply to Comment

    knight4696 commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-11-2010

    Artie - So, a challenge you have presented. But, I have to agree with DrewMcNee's and Hampton's comments ... I must decline. Too deep to dive into my friend. Well Maybe I'll attempt a title: How about "Too Close To Home" ... Great work as usual! :) Ken
    Reply to Comment

    Artie

    07/18/2010

    I'm glad you enjoyed this. Latrz

    DrewMcNee commented on Unfinished & Untitled

    07-09-2010

    I have avoided this piece. It hits too hard, too deep. The error is mine. For what it is worth, you are not alone. Drew.
    Reply to Comment

    Artie

    07/18/2010

    Yeah I know what you mean. Thanks for the read - Latrz

    When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

    John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

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