I Surrender
I acquiesce to this overwhelming desire to escape into
the solitude of my soul. Locked inside my house, this
empty house, I delve into that empty room, my soul.
Finding nothing but peace, I remain.
The world goes on around me, clamoring with that
incessant noise so often referred to as life. But I am
oblivious to its call, for I have muffled my ears to its
siren's song. No longer will it entice me, draw me
into its deadly arms. No longer shall I fall victim to
its painfully sadistic humor.
I shall not depart my quiet shell to live a life which
hammers me, one hard blow at a time, cruelly into
the ground. Here I stay, insulated within myself,
protected from myself and those who would choose
to draw me out just to abandon me yet again to this
fate worse than death.
No longer shall I fall prey to the whimsical games that
others might play within my lonely heart. No longer
shall you, my so called friend, be allowed to torture me
into submission, for I am already there. I have
surrendered my spirit, an empty husk of the man I use
to be or the one I could have become.
How long must this charade go on, with me the captive
of your sadistic games. Will machinations ever be confessed
that hold me here in this bar less prison, waiting,
hoping, praying for a present that has never been or a future
never meant to be. Will you ever set me free with the truth
of your deceit? For only then should I come alive,
resurrected from this death.
Do you hear my cry, see the tears streaming from my eyes?
Do you care that I am gone, alone within this prison
called my soul. Am I such a non-entity that I am so easily
forgotten by those I shall always remember, forever
banned from those friendships that I treasure?
Look into my eyes, these windows to my soul and you
shall see an empty room. Uncluttered by memories of
yesterday, unfulfilled by the desires of today, and
unfettered by the dreams of a future. Such a stark and
antiseptic room is this. Void of color and sadly lacking
in the hope of a better tomorrow.
Look into my heart and you shall find that what once
burned hot with the unrelenting fire of passion has
slowly died, embers grown cold and formless. Not
even a spark to rekindle the fire that once blazed wild and free.
Bereft of any good, devoid of any feeling, it beats a
soulfully deep yet empty tune. A song which falls
on empty ears for I am locked within the solitude
of my soul. Can’t hear, can’t see, can’t be. Held
hostage by my fears I surrender to my fate, this fate
much worse than death, this fate named life.
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