Dear Reader,

                          This isn’t a poem, instead it’s the full story that tells you the purpose and point of this entire profile. I’ve made it a point to keep her name anonymous and my face hidden throughout this entire period of time. After four years at the end of this story I’ve decided to reveal both to you. This story begins in a place called Stampede (Temecula Ca.) the date was Feb. 10, 2007. I was minding my own, country dancing when I saw her from across the floor, her name was Sarah Britton. I walked up to her and asked her if she’d like to dance, she said yes but didn’t know how to dance (country) so I taught her how to line dance, 2 step, cowboy cha cha, cowboy waltz, and the basics of ball room waltz and tango. The entire time we danced that night all I could see was her. By nights end I had given her my number not expecting to ever hear from her again. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

                After half a week later to my shock she called me and after some talking we decided to go out over the weekend. We both were horse people so I took her on a date at the stables were I kept my horse, (Norco Ca.-Horse Town USA) riding through the river bed reaching the halfway point in our ride we stopped and allowed the horses a small brake, at which time I rode my horse up next to hers and gave her our first kiss. From that moment on we were inseparable. Full of passion and desire for one another we became as close as bride and groom. I remember after returning from watching a Fontana race (nascar) she wasn’t feeling well and fell asleep in my lap for half a day just peacefully resting/sleeping.  As fate would have it being a Marine I was close to leaving for a deployment (March 28th 2007) and emotions were high both in her and I, on the dance floor she asked me to promise her I’d marry her when I returned home, I said with all my Heart I promise. We both wore promise rings from then on. I was looking at wedding rings and she was looking at Churches.

                I came up with an idea, I thought it’d be neat to start a note book for the before, during and after parts of my deployment, she’d started it with all our pre-deployment stories while I wrote in the middle portion of the note book (I wrote her in that note book every day of the deployment till the day I returned home), then she’d finally finish it leading up to our wedding. On the front cover she made me a promise that she’d never break my Heart and that she’d stand by it through hell and back. I made her a similar promise on the rear cover.  I left her with a Marine teddy bear dressed in Marine Corps dress blues as a symbol of my Hearts undying Love for her, she promised to take care of it as she would my Heart. (she refused to take/read the note book when I returned home)

                The first 3 months in Al Fallujah Iraq were very supportive on both sides of us. She wrote me every day to include one picture per-letter and in turn I would call her as much as I could (almost every day via sat phone) she was my life line, I was so lucky to have her, what a perfect woman, she made me truly happy. During that third month something started to happen, and we started to argue over wedding dates, Bible verses, change, drinking and Love vs. respect. Before I knew it we had lost that connection. We didn’t speak for four days, on that fourth day I was told I was going out on a mission, so I called her to inform her that I’d be gone for a while out on a mission, she in turn said: “then this cant wait” and broke my Heart (dear john’d  my ass over the phone) in shock I said ok and left for the mission. (The date was July 19, 2007). While out there I couldn’t sleep, I was lucky to get 2 hrs of sleep if that, I was too heartbroken to sleep or eat. I lost a lot of weight and looked like shit by the time I returned to base (Aug. 20, 2007). Needless to say I didn’t leave the wire for the rest of the deployment. It was hard, no more letters, no more pictures. It hurt , I was alone in the Heart and I missed her deeply, I wanted to do whatever it took to get her back. She refused to tell me why she had done it, to date she still hasn’t told me, she made it impossible for me to fix whatever it was that I did to piss her off. I blamed myself for everything and slipped into a deep state of depression. Returning home (Oct. 19th 2007) she wasn’t there to welcome me home. In addition I had found out that she had fed the teddy bear I gave her to her dog, so I asked for the bear and my letters back. I also gave her back my ring and asked her to hold on to it till she was ready to start over. Instead she threw it away. Slipping into a deeper depression I decided to get away from the memories-I couldn’t bear them any longer.

                So I went on recruiting duty in Hopkinsville Ky. and entered my whiskey years. During my time in Ky I stumbled on a country club called Kickers (Clarksville Tn.) where I danced hard from opening to closing. I was dancing to bring her Love back. Instead I attracted many of the local women. I would always find a way to push them away or an excuse for why it couldn’t work out. The truth was I was still in Love with Sarah and I wasn’t ready, looking back on it I know I allowed a good opportunity to slip away and I regret any Hearts I might have hurt along the way. Around this time was when I discovered this web site and started to write to Sarah my Hearts cry through my poetry, I decided not to tell her about my profile and to date still haven’t. Back at Kickers  I was noticed by a country singer from Nashville Tn. one night for my dancing and he asked me to work for him,  I said yes and on my off time from work was helping his shows. My job was to get his audiences dancing and to teach those who wanted to learn how to country dance how to. It was exciting to be involved with the country music business in Nashville Tn. But truth was I was doing it in hopes that Sarah would find out and take me back. That never happened and it was time to go home.

                Back home (Camp Pendleton Ca.) I decided never to drink again and I dove deep into the Horse world, I stopped sky diving (my favorite hobby) and started to ride my Horse on all my off time, that wasn’t enough for me I also started to work for a stable in Norco Ca. called River Trails, I was a trail guide and ranch hand for them. I was riding almost every day. I’d leave base after a day of work and go out for a night ride, then on weekends ride, ride and ride, chasing Sarah’s ghost out on the trails where once we rode together. I missed her but always kept a respectful distance minus the occasional phone call or email. It was hard.

                I kept my promise to her and my Heart waited for her, four years of my life gone. Then on my forth deployment (which I’m currently still on) I find out that she got married.

                Being a man of Honor I can no longer Love her, it’s not my right-she belongs to another man now. Because my Love for her was true I waited for her, I didn’t stalk her, murder her, kill myself, I did none of the foolish things Hollywood calls “romantic-suicide” or “psychotic-murder” no instead I endured the pain for four years not allowing myself to get angry at her or hate her. My Love was too strong for that. Love isn’t violent, resentful, or holds grudges!

                I believe that Love waits, endures, never gives up, does all that it can. And I’ve done just that, there’s nothing more I can do, it’s impossible now to win her Heart back. So this profile will now stand as a memorial to all that my Heart endured for Sarah Britton (now Sarah Bolin). The picture attached to this writing is over four years old. It was taken in March of 2007 and depicts me and Sarah together. At last you the reader now have a clear view of who I am.                   

-Tilmylastbreath