I HATE POSITIVE PEOPLE

I HATE POSITIVE PEOPLE
   by brianlion

A co-worker told me,
When you have a lemon, make lemonaide.
I tried that. I squeezed the lemon.
The juice squirted in my eye.
Now I have a eye infection.
I hate positive people.

My wife encouraged me,
Always look at the bright side.
I tried that. I stared into the light.
I ended up burning my retina.
The dark side is less painful.
I hate positive people.

Dr Phil ordered me,
March to your own drum beat.
I tried that. I beat the drum all night.
My neighbor called the police on me.
The officer suggested I try a flute.
I hate positive people.

Ophra Winfrey intructed me,
To understand someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
I tried that. Ever walk a mile in high heels?
Now I'm a mile away from my home.
And I lost my new sneakers.
I hate positive people.

A friend advised me,
If at first you don't succeed, try again.
I've decided to try parachute jumping.
Wish me luck.
Now, where is that rip chord?
I hate positive people.