Full of pain from my past I can’t let go

My futures unwritten, so how is it I already know?

Hurting all the time but no one knows

How lost I feel how bad I wish I could go

Leave this place for somewhere that’s way beyond here

The place I created where the monster aren’t real

No more pain my fate my own

Monsters be damned I reclaim my soul.

On the outside I wear a smile for all to see

But if any one took the time

Took the time to really look,

Then they would see the real me

Beaten, bruised, and broken beyond repair

Who wants to fix this little girls world

Who really gives a damn?

You say I’m a survivor but I feel like I’m dead inside

My life I’m livin is not my own

But the remnants of a frighten child,

A frightened little girl who chose not to live life,

 But rather lock it all away

And put on the perfect disguise.

So now I look in the mirror at the reflection staring back at me,

Unsure or unclear of this person standing there,

The person who I now see.

Do I want to be a statistic, a victim;

A creation of someone else’s deeds?

Will I find the strength to overcome my pain?

Or continue to give the monsters the upper hand?

I’m drowning, cant breathe, I’m loosing the battle

To maintain the perfect smile.

My biggest fear is one day ill loose the fight

And then everyone will know.

They will see right through my years of pretending,

 the horror I’ve locked deep inside me,

no longer hidden , then who’s going to love me?

I was used and abused,

Thrown away like yesterdays trash.

Nothing left to give,

Sentenced to eternal nightmares,

 Monsters who smile, even said I LOVE YOU,

This is the only way i knew to live.

For me the absurd has become the norm,

And the extreme a daily routine

I never learned to expect any different

For me this was all there is.

Why should I

Why would I

How could I

Expect anything to change?

All I have ever known is lies, deceit, deception, and pain.

So what makes me think I deserve any better?

What would make me think it could change?

For me the outcome has always been the same!

But then he came along, my dark prince; and I felt like he would be the one

 The one to take away all the hurt, so I gave to him all that I was,

And this was something I’ve NEVER done.

I told him all my horrible secrets, I guess

 Hoping the damage would some how be undone,

I felt like I could trust him , I felt like he was the ONE! 

Now I’m scared the signs are all there,

 Just like they were before.

I wanna be wrong, so do I close my eyes

God I hope I’m wrong......

Is it in my head, am I looking for more

More then there really is,

Do I just pretend that none of its real,

Or is this my reality?

I hope it’s just me being paranoid,

Because for me this is my last chance

To give up my past move on with my life,

And finally have some happiness!

I have nothing more I have given him MY ALL

EVERY bit of LOVE I had left,

 So I pray I was right, that he’s is my Dark Prince,

 Come to give me Love, and a new Life.

For me this time I felt like it was all or nothing

So I decided I was in

That’s why I gave so much and showed him my hand

In hopes that this time I’d win.

But I’m scared now I feel him slipping away from me,

When I put my trust in others, they just end up hurting me.

Why should he be any different?

Why couldn’t I just let it be?

Why open up and give him my all

Put myself in that position

To be hurt once more,

GOD I wanna scream.