Army For The Heart

3 Comments

Poem Commentary

I'm trying to become a better person

Army For The Heart

Lined up army men defend the battlegrounds that are my heart,
Standing at attention,
Willing to fight off whatever comes there way,
They say loves a battlefield,
Boy were they right,
The human heart can only take so many blows,
Not even the tin soldiers can protect it forever,
What will I do when they're gone?
When they've all died for me,
Diving for bullets they shouldn't have to take,
Bullets that weren't meant for them.
I've got to get stronger,
Faster, better, stronger,
Build up tolerances for the things that bother me,
Put up walls that can handle the teasing,
The ridicule,
The ignorance,
Everything.
Where do I start though?
I guess I'll start from the depths and work my way up.
It'll be difficult,
But I think I can do it,
No wait,
I know I can do it.

Poem Comments

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Artie commented on Army For The Heart

11-02-2009

Sounds to me like you are already doing it - nice write

SuperChick76 commented on Army For The Heart

11-02-2009

Nicely written, for the average poem. It shows good potential to becoming much better, though. I noticed some grammar errors and the flow was a bit hard, try making more complete sentences instead of two word lines, and try not to rhyme with the same word as you used above. One last thing "Lined up army men defend the battlegrounds that are my heart," I would probably used "battleground that is my heart." It's a good start, but it just needs a little work here than there. Good job.

countryboy1988 commented on Army For The Heart

10-30-2009

thats was beautiful it reminds me of my friends over there fighting for our freedom good write

When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

Twinopolis’s Poems (39)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Hole In My Chest 1
Given Up 1
Idk 1
Emotional Roller Coaster 2
Headache 3
Momma 1
Strength 1
Army For The Heart 3
Angst 2
Weight of the World...BEGON
E!
2
Unkown Title 4
Sick Feeling 5
Untitled One 1
My Medication 2
Hold Me Tight 8
Inside My Pen 5
I'm the Type of Girl 8
I Hope To Make Something Of Myself 4
My Worth 3
Not Refundable 1
Lady in Waiting 7
Forever 0
Fantasies 1
Neverending Rivers of Tears 4
Broken Heart 3
Lies and Deciet 2
Done 0
The World Started Spinning Today 4
Wondering 1
Words to Fill in the Blanks 1
Because Of You 1
Love 1
Moving On 0
Karma 3
Suitcase 3
Waiting For You 0
Heart Shaped Portal 0
I Cried For You 3
Worries 6