The Treehouse

3 Comments

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  • Philosophy

    Poem Commentary

    Isn't it amazing how time changes some of the things completely around, as we start matureing?  Here is just an example!

    The Treehouse

    When boys and girls are at young age they have a certain view
    Segregating from each other we find that this is true.
    Boys all like the he-man games of their favorite movie stars
    Commandos, cowboys and space ships that take them to the stars.
    Whereas the females all play house, with dolls that wet theit pants,
    And play with tiny dishes and wierd gifts, recieved from aunts.

    In a vacant lot across the way most us boys, would go to play,
    Hide from girls and climb this great big tree, all throughout the day.
    It was tall and so majestic, many branches from the ground
    That we could reach and grab ahold, to heights that would abound!
    We decided to build a treehouse, since there wasn't one in town
    Then we would have our privacy, with no 'sissy' girls around.

    We began our search for lumber we could scavenge from around
    Rope and nails, and even pails, and whatever could be found.
    We all worked together with our ideas , Oh so sly
    So we could then create our own, castle in the sky.
    When the girls would come around asking us every singleday,
    We decided to ignore them and maybe they would go away.

    After weeks of trial and labor we all proudly did agree
    We had our place of refuge percher high up in the tree.
    It seemed like fifteen minutes for the height we had to climb
    But we were then rewarded on the platform to recline.
    And gaze up through the higher limbs, and, what seemed to be
    A vast ocean out before us looking down from our new sea.

    A pully pulled our treasures up; we used a nice long rope
    It was called our elevator, gosh it took a million stroles'
    We had to hide our sandwiches and keep our candy in a jar.
    I borrowed my dads picnic box from the trunk of his old car.
    Cause the birds and bees hang out in trees; tiny insects too
    They seem to like the things we do, most anything to chew.
    .
    We played for many happy days as the years went by;
    Somehow the girls began to change we often wondered why?
    They started looking prettier and had a certain gaze,
    We even talked about them, sometimes for even days.
    Patty Ann was the prettiest one, [at least she was to me].
    I wonder if I asked her,,,  if she could climb a tree?


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    lsabeth commented on The Treehouse

    09-23-2009

    This poem has many grammatical errors. as an example the first line (the most important line to catch the readers attention) would be better if written. also, u shud not assume all girls are into dolls. What about if a girl is a tomboy? Your work lacks rythmn because of the many grammatical errors and i think u should work on that .

    MrGee commented on The Treehouse

    09-10-2009

    It's nice to see you using fewer words to express emotions and also I like the rhymn. I was hoping to see more metaphors. The final line was very good, I like the fact that the line draws the reader to the interogative. As you probably know I have received the Poet of the Week award for my piece entitled Set Me Free. perhaps, u will find it enjoyable?

    satch

    09/10/2009

    Well, since I have no idea what a metaphor is without looking it up in the dictionary nor what interogative might be either. Maybe thats why you received the poet of the week award and I did comment on it and said it didnt rhyme as being called a poem. Sawry' I was a construction worker in my profession--not a literature teacher.

    sawdust commented on The Treehouse

    08-04-2009

    oh the memories that brings back i too had a tree house and i think every kid should have one great poem a joy to read

    satch

    08/05/2009

    Thanks sawdust for the nice comment, much appreciated. Most my poems center around personal experiences or things I have witnessed and like to 'take it all in' and share my ideas[some that differ] with the crowd. Tks again'

    Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

    Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

    satch’s Poems (21)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    The Treehouse 3
    Nightmares 1
    Promises [ones you can believe] 1
    Scratch my Itch 0
    The blind Date 5
    Awesome' 1
    The Lake Walk 2
    Loves Choice 3
    The Coal Steam Locomotive 1
    Mans' Metamorphosis 5
    Story'oems 0
    Nakedness 2
    "Ragged Knees" 5
    A Sad Reality 5
    Harken 0
    Our World Today 2
    Miracles 7
    "Lonely" 3
    Flo 4
    "Hey there" 6
    "My Poem" 4