Perhaps, under the circumstances

No, I've become very angry
Writing on and on and on
But what is this?
It's a waste
That's all it is
Each line penned soon
Becomes destroyed
How can humanity?
How can they?
They live their pitiful lives
Expecting everything for them
But no, I won't take
I wrote lines of my love
The only love I ever had for you
How has it turned out?
It was destroyed
My love for you has never changed
Since we were young
I've been confessing it
Not in the natural sense
I've never actually said it to your face
But my actions have proved themselves
I show it in everything
My undying love, my faithfulness
How have you repaid me?
In the best of ways
But only destroying me
In a kind sense, you could say
You never stopped really loving me
Or I you
We embraced each other
Held you in my arms
Traveling home, many times
You were asleep on me
Kept me warm, as I kept you safe
I never could tell you, only show you
I scrawled a note one day
We were in the woods
Enjoying friendships
I scribbled it quickly
And soon we left
You laughed as I drove away
To this day
I will never know
If it was malicious
Or joyful
You never told me
You never brought it up again
I am scared beyond death to ask
A note of love, and I'm afraid
Imagine that
But I'll never hurt you
I can tell you that
You'll be in my heart
Awaiting the white rabbit
Now, hopefully
I've got your attention
Lay quietly
Don't move a muscle
Listen to the sound of silence
I can hear the blood in my veins
In terribly depressing moods
I imagine spilling it
Letting the carpets drip red with it
But no, I could never do that
The pain
Unbearable
And you would be disgusted
But I pull through
Stronger each day
Broken and broken
Each time you're not with me
Each time we hug
You turn around
The moment you've turned around
More than a lifetime passed
Time goes so slow when
You're not around
I"m saddened
Not myself
But you come to me
In the earth
Or in my dreams
And you are with me
I tried holding your hand
The last few weeks actually
Sitting there, on Sunday
Attempting it
Not really sure if it'd work
But I did
I never actually reached out for it
I put out my hand
Next to me
Hoping you'd grab it
Not very masculine, I know
But I never could take the first step
I always held back
But know this, if you get nothing else
I love you
Nothing can ever change that
I know you only love me as a brother
But I still hold onto you
The love we had those few years ago
But now I have secrets
Ones I left in those woods
Not too long ago
Not the woods we came together in
Others, farther way
My evil still lurks there
Still haunts the trees
They saw everything I did
And I only hope you can forgive me
I have changed
For myself, and for you
We've grown so much closer together
Not all for nothing, but for some things
You've put joy in my heart
Put the smile on my face
Kept me warm at night
The thought of you
Kept me alive
When I was dying
Thanks, love