I can still clearly recall the feelings I had when I held you in my arms during the first two years of your life.
Years I wish I could live over and over again.
You were so tiny and beautiful ... a part of me.

Those years were filled with both joy and despair.
If I had known I only had a few years to absorb as much as possible.
Enough to take me through a lifetime without feeling you in my arms again.

Only another birth mother can possibly even begin to understand the feelings of loss and sorrow
that lingers long after the day I had to say good-bye to that beautiful baby who came to this world through me.

I've kept my memories of you tucked deep in my heart, stored in a place where no one else can ever go.
Waiting for the day that I can share them with you in hopes to help you understand the choice I made for you.

I know where you are and have seen pictures of you. A silent stranger in the background of your life.
Only catching a glimpse of you from a distance, but always hoping and praying for more.

Praying that my story will end one day, just as it began. With me holding you in my arms.
Only this time knowing, we never have to say good-bye again


Written April 25th, 2003