Since my Sixth Day

Today was a bad day
As was yesterday.
Since I bought the blades
Nothing has been the same.
To got my moneys worth, I have to slice my arm.
To use the first aid I bought I must do myself harm.
I think of how much I have failed.
When I wasn't doing it, like a boat I sailed.
I went five and a half days with out self inflicted injury,
But on my sixth day, my body was badly robbed of it's liberties.
I made my first cut in almost a week,
I ripped apart my fingers to the point they did bleed.
Since that horrid sixth day, I've cut myself repeatedly,
I swear to you, and this is true, I didn't want it to be this way.
I thought I had it kicked, I thought I was done
With this dirty little habit that makes me feel so numb.
On that day when I failed, I lost so much,
My heart broken from defeat, my education bust.
I feel like a statistic, like I'm nobody of any worth,
I wish a day would go by where i simply wouldn't hurt.
I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to say
Because I've said it all before, and I don't know how to pray.
God would not hear me; he would not take a glance
Towards this sad and powerless girl who her skin takes a lance.
But please God, if you hear me, help me through this day,
I hate what I do to myself, I don't want to cut today.
And as I say these words, a tremor in my voice,
I know that indeed a time will come when I want to slice.
I don't know how, I don't know why, yet here I am again,
Scared, sad, crying now, a blade in my hand.
As I cut my flesh, I finally can breathe,
But now I am ashamed at the lack of courage inside me.
I wish I knew how to stop myself,
I'm too afraid to ask for help.
My boyfriend says he loves me still,
Though I cannot love myself.
I wish his love were simply enough to bring me back from hell,
Alas, I reside here, still a prisoner of my bloody shell.