Regret of the Rarely Seen

she is frantically trying
to stop crying
in front of others
her worst fear to die like a deer
in headlights
roasted by the arrested rights
of people who glimmer
but never shimmer
as brightly as she in her mirror image
shes beyond pretending
shes a wreckage of titanic metal
an ocean of frost
a ship of lost innocence
she smells of immorality and drugs
though she never touches the stuff
inside her faulty towers
a match of wits between evil lovers
who will fail and who cannot succeed
one will walk away
one will bleed
to limp away in disgrace is to die
in a lesser embrace
she doesnt let them meet
her fantasy and her reality
cleft in twain like boston rain
washing the streets of residue
she can sleep in a hole and believe
in a less decadent zoo
only animals freely decide
who to love and what to hide
she knows the impossibility of dying with grace
the sunlight tattoos age on her face
the shawl is wrapped about her
the tag is tied to her toes as they wither
wracked with cough and manic shivers
she lives in dreams
leaving this world in a nightmare
and the loving stares of everyone who is with her
we collect our tears and replace them with cards
and flowers we bought in a hygienic place
she doesnt care because she was already gone
when we descended to her floor
years ago would have been better but we have better
things to do
youth like butterflies flap out wings and we die
but we live dont we, another five years,
another seven,
while angels cradle our hopes in heaven
and sit on harps built from stones
and bones, images of erections
derelict messages to those on earth left so utterly
alone
with faith we buy our freedom from life and we fear nothing
but death
and its cold embrace, its nightly entrance into our dreams
our coffins
beneath our subconscious subterranean selves
she breathes and collaborates and issues declarations
from her hospital bed sheathed in white
the lamp above like a halo around deaths grinning light
forever and ever we praise the AMEN
and tomorrow we will lower her to earth again
but i will never forget the empty vessel
of her eyes
or the last time she saw her last sunrise
for in her pain i saw my own demise
let it rain, let it fill me and drown me, i have no time for regret, i have only enough time to paint her portrait,
on the wall of my soul, i will not let her go,
and i will accept my place in this maze
of senseless beauty and loss of control