I lay here, stroking all these scars, fighting back the tears.
Last night, I spoke up, and I let loose all my fears.
I couldn’t believe how easily the words flowed,
If I was scared…did it show?
I tried to be strong, to prove I’m not as much of a loser as I say…
But still. I can’t seem to close these hands to pray.
Last night, I after I spent hours apologizing to the one who cares, I threw down my razor, and I swore, never to pick it up again.
And now it’s laying there, on the dresser, calling to me…a temptation, a desire.
I want to run, to pick it up. But no, that’s only fueling my fire.
So many reasons to grab it, and finish my sin.
But after last night…never again.
You told me you love me, but what did you mean?
I’m sure it was meant only as a gesture of friendship…but god knows I’ve always wanted more.
I never knew what love was, it was simply filling in a long dug hole.
But you came, and you showed me the way.
And still. I denied it.
I never gave in.
And now it’s too late.
I lay here, stroking these scars.
And I let loose the tears.
I’m a failure, a mistake.
My parents were right.
I never had it in me to fight.
It’s too late for me, too late to turn back.
But now, I need to move forward…
To forgive, and forget.
To move on from this hell, to let go of this pain.
Why can’t I do it…?
You all say I’m strong, so where is this strength?
Please…show it to me!
I feel so alone, always have, always will.
But I know I’m not, not when I have the best of the best.
I’ve finally learned to let go, to move on from the rest.
I see that razor, and I long to pick it up.
But I won’t.
Last night was the start of a new life.
I promise that I’ll truly try.
I’ll hold this head up, and I won’t cry.
I think it’s time, to let it all out.
To move forth, and let these hauntings stop.
I know you’ve heard this all before.
But this time, I swear.
Today is a new day.
And I’m making myself a new way.