Why can't I?

On the outside, you see this immature jerk who is rude and insensitive, but on the inside I am crying out for you. Apart of me is just like every other girl, I want to be loved by the man she loves, wants to be everything everyone wants. Although I know who and what I am, it always seems like no one will ever truly love me for me. They won't be able to get pass the exterior to see the interior of me. I always say how gross love is, how I don't belive in it one bit, how nasty making love is, but I am actually crying out for that feeling, the feeling of love. I want to find someone that I can be happy with and not have a care in the world. I want someone to give my heart to and have them cherish it.  Why can't I find someone that will look at the inside instead of the outside? Why can't I find someone that will love me, all of me? On the outside I'm hard and unbearable, but on the inside I'm dying and there's no way to get it back to the way it was before...