that eternal internal fire

Can an experiance leave me numb and cold?
or was i like this all along?
i felt trapped,
but things where looking up.
i no loger saw my breath in the air.
i think i even see a hint of pink. faint pink on the cherry tree.
yes there is a hint of pink glowing through this volcano ash
the ash that covers this place
memorys snap through my head.
memorys of happyness of sunshine on my skin
just for a moment
one precious moment i think i can feel it
i feel the warmpth of sun on my face.
then i open my eyes.
its gone...
i pull out of my dreams,
back to the ashen place inside me.
the longer i am here, the more likely i am to self destruct.
its just so grey in here.
so lifless...
its been like this for awile now.
been awile sence i have seen the sun
before it was blotted out by ash...
like i said its been awile.
I just never recognised it for what it was.
filthy
confused
sitll
cold
grey
numb.
I was never like this, then this ash settled around me.
this grey cold lifeles ash.
the only color in this place is
the blue of my eyes,
the pink of my cheeks,
and the burning fire in my heart.
i need to get out of here.