Silence that grows :: ThatGurl :: Original Poetry

Silence that grows
What have I done? I slipped so far out of reality, I could have killed everything around me. My soul inside is turning totally black. My daughter lays in her room, waiting for her mommy to come and get her. Almost as though she is an orphan in her own room. Mommy so preoccupied with everything thats going to kill them. Still yet she plays in her room, waiting for mommy, as though an orphan.
What was I trying to accomplish by waving good bye at reality? With my own self killing acts, my little girl is an orphan in her own world.
Where did I go wrong? I needed to get away from inside of myself. She lays in front of her door, kicking it, hoping someone on the other side will pay attention to her. A least long enough to change her diaper. Giving her just a few minutes to change her and feed her, almost like its a chore. Your greeted by a half smile, an empty bottle in her mouth and one in each hand. Was I trying to melt myself into something else or melt completely away? Still yet that helpless child continues to play in her room, waiting like an orphan. She plays quieter and is beginning to rely only on herself. Even to the point that her cry and all those tears grow silent inside herself, almost like a way of life. How could I be so selfish? To bring this helpless child into this world and teach her the wrong way from the start. And still she lays in her room silent, waiting for mommy to just open that door. Not understanding why I have done the things that I have done., but now seeing that I have done it. That little girl kicking on her door will not kick anymore in hope that someone notices her, but knowing that we love her and see her and notice her. I'm sorry baby girl,if I was trying to destroy myself, I should have made sure I was by myself and that I wasn't destroying everything around me, including you. I will work as long as it takes, to fix the damage I have done with my own actions. I am sure to make mistakes down the road, but I will never make the mistake of keeping you silent and making you wait. Please baby girl forgive me...

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lithiumblack commented on Silence that grows 03-26-2010: This isn't so much a poem as it is a template for a brutal, life affirming lesson. Human beings are weak by nature. It is the strength of will and will alone which allows us to rise above our petty foolishness and open our eyes to what's important. I commend you for your victory against addiction, and I wish you and your children well. Methinks they've a mother well worth a tribute or two ;); Reply to Comment

ThatGurl 03/27/2010: Thank you, I would hope and pray that my children have all that they need and most of thier wants.. I do my very best daily, my world belongs to them... I love em so much..

FreeBird02 commented on Silence that grows 03-26-2010: What an honor to see you "are destine" to a happy way of life; before you passed it by. Always respect the vision of the little ones, they have the most to lose; slow but sure you did the best you could do. Pride is in actions not intentions... good job. FreeBird 02; Reply to Comment

ThatGurl 03/27/2010: Well I dont know about a "happy" way of life. But yes I do try to start in a normal way of life these days, thank you.

FreeBird02 03/27/2010: What some see as happy, some do not. Take a moment and look back to when reality was not in your fortay. Now, though there is both pros and cons, which one out ways the other? Things must be nicer now or you would have never changed in any of your ways of the past. Only you can de-side when things are good or bad and if you choose to change any of them. FreeBird 02

alb29oclfl commented on Silence that grows 03-26-2010: a very haunting tale, with a happy ending, ...............................................; Reply to Comment

harmony74 commented on Silence that grows 03-26-2010: wow..I can feel for this lil girl..why so much, I can relate. My mom had her own world when i was growing up, as did my dad. I recall feeling like an "orphan" well, I didnt know thats exactly what it was at the time that I felt..but as i got older and heard about Orphans..I thought "gee even though my parents were physically maybe in the home, i felt orphaned in a sense. Thats good in the poem how the mom wants to change, and is really asking for forgiveness..Thats great! She reconizes her mistake..and wants change..well done!; Reply to Comment

ThatGurl 03/26/2010: Thank you so much.. This peom was written for my daughter, I was that mom... thank you

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Title	Comments	Submitted
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Silence that grows	5	03/26/2010
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I Dream...	2	02/24/2010
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Silence that grows

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Silence that grows

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