Today is a good day. There is something in my eye. My mascara is running down my cheeks. I broke up with him. I’m hurting. I hurt him and that’s the worst part.  But I have to move on. I have moved on. To something better. To someone different, who is better in all kinds of ways.  This guy holds me tight and sooths me to sleep. His arms around my waist as we walk down the halls feel nice. He gives me butterflies. I never know what to say. I just blush and look away. He pulls my chin up to look him in the eyes and kisses my lips. A tear drops down.

He’s there once again making me feel guilty for leaving. But I have to stay strong. I will not break. I cannot shatter like my heart, into a million pieces. I can not breathe. My best friend is there she’s rubbing my back saying everything will be ok. My uneven breath is huffing and puffing. My chest is rising and falling fast. I am having a panic attack. He’s there. This guy holds me tight and sooths me to sleep. A tear drops down.

He slaps me across the face and I fall to the ground. He’s yelling as I curl into a ball. I am insecure. He knows my weakness. He knows exactly how to use it to his advantage. He manipulates me so I collapse and crawl back to this abusive relationship. I am vulnerable.  But I am starting over. I have this other guy. He’s amazing. He’s sweet. I’m falling for him. You are strong and independent she is telling me. I want to believe this but I can’t. I have never been that way. I always crumble. She is strong. She is the independent one. She knows exactly who she is and what she wants. This is why I look up to her. I envy her. She’s amazing. I’m so jealous I get mad. I want to kick something. A tear drops down.

He’s kicking me hard in the stomach as I curl up on the floor. He won’t stop. He’s always there. Always coming around to bring me down again. I cry. Someone holds their hand out to help me up. I tremble. I’m scared to take it for I don’t want to get hurt again. I hear the sweet guys’ voice saying he’s here and not going to leave my side. I’m safe with him. I stand up and this guy holds me in his arms. He kisses my forehead. A tear drops down.

He pushes me. I hit the ground hard. He’s done it again. I’m not strong. I’m not independent. I don’t dare try to get back up. I let my body relax into the floor. And as my mind fades to black, a tear drops down.