a simple apology

I never wanted to leave you
And that world I left behind.

I didn't want to dissapear
but understand it hurt too much to stay 
and frankly if i'm being honest?
it still hurts somewhere to this day.

I wish we could be friends
but I played with a loaded deck
Using the card that I wasd elt
I chose to keep my heart in check .

Sitting here I think
as the world slowly passes by
I simply ask myself one word
a simple one.. just why?

Why did I dissapear
why did I have to fear
why could I not lock away
the feelings I sometimes find still here.

why couldn't I do more
when you asked me for my help
why couldnt I do more
when you needed me the most.

If I had been stronger

If I had been better

If I had been smarter

If I had simply written a letter.

In some simple terms
I may never truly understand
I just wanted to say im sorry
for not lending a helping hand

I know this won't make up
for all the things I caused
but still I say im sorry
and im glad your life has never paused

though you may not know it
I still check in on youto see
just how life has come along
how happy you can be.

I am sure you will never see this
and that's fine in the end
I just wanted to say im sorry
and you will always be my friend.