Please, I’d  like more tuna in my bowl
You see, I am like the wild cat
So that dry stuff has got to go
Or no more looking for your filthy rat.

 And talk about that dancing string and mice
Do you really think that is kosher?
I prefer a moving human ankle
It is fleshy and much closer.

 I know you’re upset when I’m sick
Your floor, a nasty mess to clean
There’s no dignity in my sickness
So I hide behind the furniture
Yes, I clearly hear you scream.

 I’d just as soon have peace and quiet
I tire of all the attention and flatter
You accidentally lock me in the closet
I’m afraid I’ll starve from no food or water.

 And speak of food………
plastic bowl makes me run
If this were a human motel, one star is all you'd get
Service, poor because there is none.

 At night, my favorite spot is your bed
My naps are many, but when I awaken
I’m refreshed and rarin to face the world
So, excuse me. this pillow’s taken.

 You talk incessantly as your mouth moves up and down
I don’t understand a word you’re sayin’
Maybe the family dog understands your jargon
I’ve lost interest – I’m goin’ back to playin’

 Now, speakin’ of the family dog
His tail, you say is cute.
Well, mine is much better, bigger too
And I don’t steal and bury the loot.

 It is known your brain is bigger than mine
Yet, my duties at home I do not shirk
I look for you high and low until I finally realize
You’ve left home and gone to work!!!

 My affection is unconditional
I’ll stick to you like a rubber glove
When I climb up to receive pats
Please don’t stand up. It’s your lap I love.

 Now, if you tease me incessantly
Always leaving me in a big stu
Be aware that I have big claws
To give you a skin graft or two.

 Well, to sum up what I’ve said to you
I am afraid this is the way I see it
Toy mice, dancing yarn, harboring a criminal dog
Convinces me – YOU ARE AN IDIOT.