.whats wrong

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Loss

    Poem Commentary

    This is for my sister and well me as well. we have both been though a lot. as u can tell

    .whats wrong

    are u worth it.
    in life that happenes
    you make me feel alright,
    then you go and lie to me.

    you do everything you can to hide it,
    yet i can see right through it
    why should i try
    why should i carry on,

    my life was yours
    you stole my life
    my heart was yours from  the start
    i gave you everything

    all you gave me was pain,
    you keep telling me it will be alright
    you say its fine
    you act all nice,

     how can you lie
    you wounder why i cry,
    you wounder why i shy away,
    you ask me whats wrong,

    what can i say,
    i cant say i love you,
    that im yours,
    that no matter what you say i cant believe,

    when you said you loved me
    you said we would last,
    now you say its over
    that its the past,

    so now you no the answer when you ask
    whats wrong?

    Poem Comments

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    CMarsh commented on .whats wrong

    09-21-2009

    Alot of emotion in this one, we all live and learn from our mistakes as you will. Nicely done, would suggest or ask where you say " so now you no" should that be "know" othr than that great job and keep writing from the heart.

    L3 commented on .whats wrong

    09-20-2009

    well this is tight as shyt foreal......... I like shyt like dat.... very good writing...

    Chelles commented on .whats wrong

    09-20-2009

    Alot of emotion in this as well. Very nice read. You are a talented young lady. I must say that I am pleased with all that I've read thus far.

    cmlestrade commented on .whats wrong

    09-11-2009

    Very well written nice rhyming poem on that perpetual claim that we're going to last forever. You have been through the fire, will it be a comfort to tell you you will have to cross many inferno's and backdrafts before you live out your life? probably not but with each one you become a btter firefighter.

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

    ravenrose’s Poems (32)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Sad Night 2
    Alone 2
    Life 1
    Times Up 1
    Bliss 0
    Hate Me or Not 0
    Words So Sweet 0
    Coming Forth 1
    Purple Haze 1
    Trail 4
    Argue 5
    Time to be. 3
    Old friends 6
    Healing me 12
    Love 10
    understand 6
    Life 5
    Family 2
    United 5
    CRYS 11
    Lost love 11
    Endless night 9
    RY 3
    A true friend 3
    same is different 7
    United state soldier 7
    friends 5
    moon goddess 6
    .whats wrong 4
    Heart break 4
    Michael Jackson 3
    Obama 8