Relax or Relapse

Loosen my stature, calm my nerves,
another day gone, another soon to come.
I close my eyelids, my vision blackens,
turning to dreams the mornings sees undone.
When I wake I am still where I fell,
I have to change my course or find peace alone.
Solitude is not what I want, family is my dream,
to come home, to relax, relapse don't.
I know it is in my power to change,
but power is far from what I am used to.
All my life I have struggled to please others,
when all along it was myself that was abused.
I know how to be happy, but few and far between,
peace of mind is nowhere to be found.
Unless people like reading about my life,
the abuse, the torture, the love, my life drowns.
Articulate as we all show signs of being,
few follow the signal, instead they chase the noise.
Noise of distraction barring us from our calling,
I choose to follow the signal, not an empty void.