A Descriptive Essay of the Motions in a Time of Loss
(Like Bare Branches)

I am shifting
Like bare branches of a tree
And there is no one here
Besides you
Besides me
And there is only one of us
Brave enough to feel enough
To stand up to this coffin

It’s closed again
No goodbye my friend
No more afternoon conversations
To soothe ourselves with this recreation
No more memories to make
No more people called on fake
No more left for us to do
No more me and you

No more road-trips in the sun
No more laughter
No more fun
No more comfortable acceptance
One less person without rejection
One less of my appreciated
Buddy whom which I related
Just stand here and feel you fade
With a list of things
In my hand
With a mind file full
Of things I was saving
For the next time we met
And for meetings further down the road
As…Friends…Will…Do

Here I am to leave it here
With you to keep
And I my tears
Along with the idea that I had the time
That we would extend together
Years

Here I am to say goodbye
Your invisible friend
For so much time gone by
Like you now
Who joins those years
Will never know what this means
To everyone that you left here
Or what it means to me
Because I had been thinking
As I do a lot
About you
And how little I’ve got
And what I came up with
Was that you meant a lot to me
I would have said it better
Than compliments and cookies
But you fooled
You fooled us all
And a great loss in all of these lives
Was taken the night
That I told my sister of my appreciation for you
Before I knew…Before I knew
And I don’t know where I did stand
Or where you stood in this land
But when we were friends
And you were here
We stood together
With comfortable clear
And I appreciated you.

Now Arnie, my light goes on
And you’ve snuffed yours out
A de-ja-vu song
Your files I put away
Go next to whom left me yesterday
I can’t leave them here with you
You’ve got no where to take them to.
Two suicides and more to go
Who knows who knows who knows

And your coffin is right here
And here I am
Hiding under fear
Under myself and my nervous smile
Under my giggling
A million miles
Desperately running from my tears
Hiding from all of the people here
Who don’t know me
Had no idea
Yes, our parting is cruel ironicy
When in life we had so much privacy
To speak our minds and not be hated
Instead we were appreciated
We took a separate place
Where judgment was not contemplated
Always a wonderful place
And wonderful to see your face
A separate wonderful place
Where people were real
And no one was lesser
And I always felt
I had so much to learn and give
When you had the strength to live

And the truth is Arnie
We all loved you
And as you pull away
You’re pulling out of time
But we are not, we are still alive
And it makes us lose our minds
The wrenching out of that time hold with you
Everyone you were ever connected to
Breaking up your molecules
That’s a high jump to clear
And that’s a lot to do
So I can’t do this here
Or now, or later
This instigated happening with you
Has made the entire act of our partings
In reality, (which can be so elusive in times like this)
A non-reality for me
Never again
And neither will you my friend

Here I am
This last time
As I step down
From your moment, from you
I am once again alone
And construed
And in the way
And not knowing what to do
Not a single person here
Knows why I do what I do
Not a person here will ever care
Not a person here will share
Not one person more will live
To take the place you had to give
The place you took generously in my life
The one where I felt all right
Where I felt I was not subdued
Like I could really talk to you
Let this be not mistaken
It is a place not easily taken

And I am lonely with fear,
And I can’t see through my tears
But they provide a place to hide
From the others that shared your life
And mine, it is another lonely space emptier today
As we stood and gave you away
And as old as I am
And the life that I live
It is not likely
That space will be filled
With the lack of inhibitions
That threw us recklessly together into friendship
It’s hard to gain that recognition
Easy going acceptance
Comfortable existence
It was hard to gain that anyways
And it’s a rarity these days

And I’ve always been shifting
Like the bare branches of a tree
And through the seasons
Full of leaves
Sometimes the shift
Is hard to miss
And now, today
Like a dent in my grades,
I can stop and say,
That was where Arnie stayed,
And remember that you left.