Billy
We
Long road stretches
Wind frolicking through hair
Sun shining
Lips smiling
Feet on dash
No other place in the world
And I loved you

But things have a way of melting away
In life
Dripping smearing and fading like a pen written letter
Getting covered in tears
I hesitate to use the word different
But things were somewhat perforated
Where I came from
And my struggles to be a simple human being
And I don’t know about you
Or why you did what you did
I just know that I told you the truth
You told me the same
And then hid
Now I can’t help but remember
That special place in my heart
You stole from me forever
And feel
And I can’t help but be resentful
For the fact it will never recover
That I foolishly gave it to you
Something precious you can never give back
And nothing has felt the same since
And not even you could feel the same to me
Ever again
And I regret so fully
Because even back then I knew
I deserved nothing less than the truth
But I couldn’t stand up and take it
Because of the way life made it
For me

Often now I look back
And wish I could return with how I am
With the strength and knowledge to wait
And take
The so many things I did wrong
So many years that were wasted
That one was wasted on you

But I have passed that now
And matured somehow
Through the birth of so many children
Which is not how it is supposed to go
Yet I am grateful for the chance to see
And to change the things that were done to me
And I
Mind regretting
Time unletting
Striving
Struggling
Seeing
And trying to mend
Cannot start all over again
But I can move on
Past the street
The sidewalks and streetlights
And light poles
And late nights
The big trucks
And loud music
The method of
And how you use it
Blindness and shallowness
The need to make things
Who you are
The continual spar
And scarring
All held to cover
The unrest that lies beneath
Hanging out in doorways
Facing toward the street
Empty empty souls
Who haven’t realized
Who still don’t know
The lifelessness they breed inside of them

I can surpass all of that
And I’m going to.
I’ll let all that go.

And I don’t see you anymore
The further I get
From that shore
From yours
The more I evolve you stay
Just like every other person with that name
Everyone who ever played that game
And I knew I never was the same
I knew it wasn’t for me to play
Even though I tried it anyways
Everyday

And some time I won’t see you ever again
But I will teach my children about you
And teach them to stay away
And pray
That I do it right
So their mess doesn’t ever look like mine
Because I am certain they will have one
I just long for it to be
Somewhat more healed
A step
If even one

That they will never have to feel you
Or deal with you inside of them
Locked away in that special cove
Deep dark special place in the heart

And when I think about you now
Along with others that worked their way in somehow
(Although none as deep as you)
I can only comfort myself with these thoughts
And the surety that someday death will release me
And perhaps then
I can be in love again.