Fallen Pieces

5 Comments

Tags:
  • Confusion
    • stormimartin
    • Wow it's been a long time since I've visited my account they've changed everything! I need to get back into my groove of writing just been so busy being a new Mommy!!!

    Fallen Pieces


    Day by day
    Piece by piece

    I pick up what's left of me. Through empty windows I stare wondering why I ever cared.

    Minutes seem like hours, days seem like years. Why all these tears?

    Scared to be alone, but more scared to be happy.

    Watching movies to make the time pass. Wondering why they are all so sappy.

    There's a constant sickness that runs through my body like poison.

    Making it so hard to put the pieces back together. So scared of feeling this way forever.

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    devaamido commented on Fallen Pieces

    06-08-2009

    You've really managed to convey the empty feel after a major break-up. I think the reason it feels choppy is that the line about "Watching movies...'' seems either extraneous to the poem's "message", or if you meant "watching TV movies alone" as emblematic of your aloneness, then that idea needs further development. It's a neat, tidy piece of writing otherwise.
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    Weatherstone commented on Fallen Pieces

    04-08-2009

    I like where you are going with this poem but I agree with Plot121 and think that you could solve the "choppy" problem with a different form. I also felt that there was more that could have been plumbed and that you didn't quite dig deep enough to get everything out.
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    Plot121 commented on Fallen Pieces

    12-31-2008

    Good images in this poem but the work was abit choppy. I liked the way you played out the message. good work Robert...
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    tinygirl commented on Fallen Pieces

    11-30-2008

    your poem was very unique read some of mine tinygirl
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    mee commented on Fallen Pieces

    11-30-2008

    Keep writing, cause am very sure u can revive souls with ur pen.
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    stormimartin’s Poems (16)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    my everything 6 04/15/2009
    Dear Daddy 16 02/02/2009
    Always inside 9 01/28/2009
    I have you 11 01/28/2009
    GONE 12 12/25/2008
    Rejected 5 11/23/2008
    In Time 2 11/23/2008
    Fallen Pieces 5 11/23/2008
    Forever 2 11/23/2008
    Little Man 1 11/23/2008
    Last Breath 5 11/23/2008
    Black Widow 6 11/23/2008
    Empty 1 11/23/2008
    Your life 5 11/22/2008
    Thoughtless Words 3 11/22/2008
    One Tear 8 11/22/2008
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