A Knight's Desire

13 Comments

  • SexzAngel
  • Poetry is like living through wave after wave of words filled with emotions

Poem Commentary

This one is a little rough so i would gladly appreciate any kind of help or advice. Im a little lost with this one and i dont know why.

A Knight's Desire



The grains of sand slowly fall,
as the hour glass is turned anew.
He counts the seconds as time crawls
and waits for a love that is true.

Just the thought of her touch,
causes his blood to race.
He sits there in the lonliness,
Just picturing her face.

An angel's kiss is his only desire,
as passion within him burns higher,higher.
He wants her there to share his bed
and visions of her dance in his head.

He dreams of her,
each and every night,
but when a new day dawns,
his dreams take flight.

Throughout the day,
his visions remain.
In his heart he beggers her,
to break his chains.

The chains that bind him,
and keep them apart.
Yet the miles and miles of chains,
do not weaken his heart.

He knows he must struggle,
and each day he will fight.
The thunder will roll,
And lightening will brighten his night.

When he finds his angel,
and can hold her close.
He will kiss her lips,
that are soft as a rose.

He is finaly complete,
Just the Knight and his angel true.
content in their mountain retreat.
a love that was ment for two.

Poem Comments

(13)

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RandolphBrown commented on A Knight's Desire

11-22-2020

So very insightful poem about love, from a male point of view.

summerrose35 commented on A Knight's Desire

03-11-2010

I love this poem.It holds a depth of longing so close to my heart.

DeepEclipse commented on A Knight's Desire

02-16-2010

It is a good story. I like how it comes around in the end. As Harver stated, there are some lines that seem to be a bit too long and disrupt the flow. There was one line, - [In his heart he beggers her] - perhaps beggers should be begs? Just an observation. Interesting story though. We usually see Knights as the valiant heroes. This poem shows a more vunerable nature, more human.

HarverTomsson commented on A Knight's Desire

11-04-2009

Not to deconstruct this poem, but only because you asked: in general, if a poem feels rough to the poet, it reads rough to the reader. Watch length of lines by counting the beats, watch the flow of accented syllables, and learn ways to control both through a thesaurus, contractions, and a pre-read aloud to yourself. This is a good effort, but with effort, you can make it better. Tweak, tweak, tweak, ahhhhhh!

SexzAngel

11/04/2009

Thank you harver, I have read it and re-read it many times..in my head i can make it sound good even when its read aloud..i didnt know about the counting the beats thing and i think that would help lots.. i have read many other works on this site and some i have found hard to swallow *read* ..thank you for your comments.. i would greatly appreciate any other comments you might have on my other pieces..Huge Hugs

SavVySam commented on A Knight's Desire

11-04-2009

Very nicely done, I like the story within your poem! Your words flowed smoothly and made for an easy read. last stanza (finaly is finally) (ment is meant)

SavVySam

11/04/2009

Gosh this did not get all of what I wrote...Thank you for the great entry!;)

SexzAngel

11/04/2009

Thanks bunches SavVy..a work in process..but from my heart...Huge Hugz

When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA

SexzAngel’s Poems (10)

Title Comments
Title Comments
A Plead for Completion 4
Age Of Innocence 3
Searching 4
A Knight's Desire 13
The Angel's Song 1
My Destiny 2
Blue Angel 3
Angel's Have No Fear 6
Waves of Desire 5
The Spirit of The Dolphin 4