I move about in the guise of today

Promising myself a better tomorrow

Struggling to surrender to now

I move in the guise of today

Kicking and swinging at yesterday

Wanting to push of the weight of the past that raped me

The past that slipped its hands into the softness of my innocence and violated me

Again and again

Taking away the parts that would set me free

It covered my mouth so that my pain would not have a voice

And my eyes were forced to watch the details of my torment

I stayed awake during my victimization not knowing that my spirit slept

Not knowing that while I watched, my spirit closed its eyes and prayed for the sun

Meanwhile I cried the confusion of creative minds plagued with the reality of Truth

I knew that this was not my reality

Not the one that was meant for me,

But in the ignorance of youth I constantly asked “why?”

Why God why, is this happening to me?

I swallowed freedom down with the consistency of my misery

And I never knew its taste

I never knew that Yesterday could reach into the foundation of now

And reduce me to the substance of gone before memories…Yesterday never released me

It clings like static to the fibers of my history and repeats itself in the wardrobe of my appearance

I crawl into the oversized shirt of insecurity to find comfort

in being smaller that the world that was supposed to protect me

I slip into the time that knew me

Then I pray for better days

I move about in the guise of today

Struggling to surrender to now

Kicking and swinging at yesterday

And I still remain like a child…

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