i hate the taste of dirt in my mouth.
it grinds itself between my teeth.
and coats my tongue.
it's an insurmountable weight pressing on my chest.
and i can't breathe.
oh god,
i can't breathe.

i am below the dirt.
i am not worth the weight of your shoes,
the scuff of your heel,
the tip of your toe.
i can't feel the rain
there is too much dirt.
im suffocating.
and you can't hear me.

i wont let you see me.
i won't let you near me.
i won't let you believe in me.
i won't let you.
but don't cry.
it's better this way.
trust me.

i am the earthquake beneath torn sneakers.
i shake with fear,
with hatred,
with a wish.
i smell the dirt.
i taste the dirt.
i feel the dirt.
i am the dirt that you will never see.
you can't dig deep enough to find me.
im so far below you.
so far.

and i can't breathe.
dirt fills my mouth and nose
i am suffocating.
dirt fills my lungs.
i am being crushed.
dirt fills my soul.
oh god.

please.



i hate the taste of dirt in my mouth.
it flows through the blood.
and weighs you down.
i hate the feel of dirt in your heart.




i hate this depression.