was it me?
did i break you one fateful day?
did i brush against you
and topple you over?
did i throw something in frustration
only to hit you unknowingly?
people have said it before;
i don't know my own strength.

but here you are.
shattered among the dust.
and it must have been me
who ruined us.
or the pathetic belief in us
that i had created in hope of you
to stay forever by me.
but whatever it was
i will forever feel the stabbing pain
that i feel now,
deep in my gut.

i must move past my mistakes.
i must live on after our death.
i had a fantasy life.
a life that i just realized was a lie.
a silly, childish world i wanted
and believed i had,
that i believed was so achievable.
but i waited.
in hope of you to join my land
of make-believe.
of love.
stupid love.

hold on.
god i am so lame.
i will die before i believe
that everything will be alright.
i am doomed.
and it was never you,
it had always been me.
i want you to be real.
but reality is not what you have
when your fingers pass through flesh
like a rock through waters surface.
drown me.
please.

choking and sputtering.
i am stumbling around.
lost and confused.
where am i?
where are you?

there you are.
right where you always were.
away from me.
far away from me.
among the others who love you more.
who captured your mind
like you captured mine.
there you are.
there she is.
here i am.
here, you are not.






please remove my blade
from among my organs.
it hurts a little too much.






i am but an ear to listen
and a mouth to hate.