If you judge me, then I'll judge me too

When sitting in a crowded room
with no one to talk to...
do you feel alone?
Do you look around and judge other people...
wondering if they are judging you in return?
Do they think I'M ugly...what about FAT?
If I think I AM... will they ALSO think that?
Are they judging my choice of clothes, the way my hair looks..
I might never know.
I look in the mirror and wonder if I'm good enough..
wondering how people see me.
Do they judge me without even knowing me..
They don't know what I'm feeling.
Perhaps the frown I wear tells the truth.
Perhaps the clothes I wear shows that I'm not happy in my own skin...
Maybe tears will show them how I feel..
that I hurt.
Maybe I'm shy because I second guess the thoughts in my head
 Will it come out right..will they understand?
I'm afraid they'll judge me, and this is why I hold back.
And right now, I have just realized that.
 I let myself be percieved as how I am.
Perhaps I look lonely cause I feel like I am.
Perhaps I wear layers to cover my flaws...

(the second part kinda changes.. it couldve been better but oh well)
but there's one person who doesn't notice them at all.
He looks at me like I'm the best thing he's seen.
It makes me happy to show him the real me.
to be accepted.. to be his..
but with his friends and family.. I feel like they stare at me.. judging my every move
feeling uncomfortable in my own skin...
unless I'm with my family, my friends and HIM.
He makes most days worth living
even tho depression kills me inside.
He;s the light in my darkness.
And the smile I'm wearing shows I'm happy that he's mine.
 The Frown I wear, is not because of him.
 But in my own challenges, I do not win.
 I do not win... I cry... I fall....
 Feeling like an empty soul.
 I fall each time I dont ask for help.
 I know they care, but I just wanna get out.
 Im stuck, I'm paralyzed. I want to change.
 I'm sick of being me. I'm sick of being the same.
 Help me.Before I go insane..