Re: A poetry challenge

Thank you JadedJezzabel for the trouble you have gone through for this challenge. If I may make a suggestion since the recent changes and system upgrades that maybe, depending on you and site/forum moderators is to have the challenge posted in a thread that lasts say two weeks. One week for posting and second week split for voting for the challenge winner( I don't know if a poll could be possible) and the last bit for the winner to post on their site and all the posting losers go to the winners site and rate and comment. A you post you vote. Second hehehe one might put a maximum word limit on because somebody might abuse that!hehehe


To Hell?

Thump thump
Pre mortal
Thump thump
Drawing
Thump thump
Faintly
Thump thump
Through
Thump thump
Water
Thump thump
First thing you heard
Thump thump
And desire to hear again
Thump thump
thump
Aw Man!
I give up!
I can't be creative when the only instrument lying around is a guitar with one string!
Get real!
I'll run out of heart beats before the end of this!
Like how it began, with mama's heartbeat, secure in womb.
Then birth causing separation.
Thrust into noise pollution.
Then one day hear.
thump thump
The faint rhythm
Thump thump
Through water
Thump thump
Leading you back
Thump Thump
To the Heartbeat

Hehehe. A one string melody, and Oh of great joy, an amp. Not quite bedtime so heres a Can you hear me now farewell song for my fans.
I have to plug it in first duh.
Bzzzzzzzzt! POW!

"How do you plead?" I hear.
"Slim! How do you plead?" the question is asked again?
Squinting through the sudden intense brightness I draw up the face of a bespectacled old man leaning over some kind of alter opening his mouth asking.
"Slim! How do you plead?"
I rub my eyes noticing the only sound was the tapping of his finger then I glance at what would have been a spotless white room save for a lady wearing a naval uniform and a young blond haired girl wearing a very pretty blue dress.
At that moment I decide that is was a dream and prepare to abort and overwrite.
"Slim! How do you plead?" the question rose to a deafening tone?
I have no clue sir, I answered with a smile, then ask What am I being accused of sir!
"For crimes!" He says sternly, shaking his gavel at me.
My face drops a tad as I utter, Crimes sir? Holding my hands outward as I add, why there are no flies on me sir!
"Oh ho ho clean as a whistle huh?" he chuckles.
Yes sir, I reply grinning from ear to ear!
Laying down his gavel, he points at me and states disgustingly "Its people like you that make this process take so long" and looks down at huge book lying open before him.
"Lets have a little fun with this, what do you say Slim?" he asks looking back at me with a smile that denotes you're in a heap of trouble.
Of course! It is my dream sir, I state confidently.
"A dream Slim?" he repeats smiling? He winks and shows his gleaming smile as he adds ornery like "We can have some fun with this."
I smile back at him and think to myself crimes pffft.
"Slim, did you not steal a pack of cigarettes at the age of thirteen?" he asks slowly trying to goad me with verbal effects.
Yes sir, but I was a juvenile then, and that can't be held against me now as an adult, I admit confident that I escaped that question.
"Your funny kid." he replies glancing back at the book and chuckles.
"I see here you lied to your mom last week." he says shaking his head no and smiling.
It was for her own good, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, I say feeling the lie justified.
"Aw righty then Slim.", he chuckles as he continues "I show here you had lust in your heart."
That wasn't lust! I was admiring the view I reply in weak denial.
"The view you say" he repeats before letting out a huge belly roll laugh that settles down to another question "So with these little things I've brought up, if, in the real world were you to be asked, what would you say?"
Are you trying to get me to say I'm guilty I ask attempting to pester using body gestures and nodding my head?
"That's what I want to hear! Guilty!" he exclaims loudly, then slams his gavel down hard as lightning creating thunder.
Nice effects, I remark waiting for something else to happen as he looks into his book, and back at me smiling, removes his glasses and states "Slim you are one lucky man to be standing there. That means you have sought legal council before being brought here. Take a seat and wait for your council to arrive." waving his gavel in the direction of the other two people.
What council, I ask perusing the room. The gavel again points me to the seat next to the young girl, so I took the hint walk over and sat down beside the pretty little girl dressed so nice.
Hi there, I say leaning over so I could smile at both.
Only the little girl turns in response.
"Hi" she says in a hushed voice
So why are you in here I ask looking into her eyes catching the light beams move though the blueness of her eyes.
"Same as you!" she responds immediately.
"Quiet in the courtroom" the old man shouts out, then points his white frocked arm at me warning "Slim don't make me put a gag order on you like I did to her!" gesturing at the naval lady whom sat facing forward rigid as if made of stone.
Yes sir I reply with a wink, then mutter under my breath, it's just a dream.
"It's not a dream Slim." the little girl says while looking at her lap.
I was about to ask her what she meant when suddenly a man dressed in a fine business suit appears in front of the old man. The old man asks the same question to the business man that he posed to me.
"How do you plead?"
The business man fumbles words low where I could not hear him so I turned to the young girl and softly ask her, what do you mean this is not a dream?
She answers real quiet with a question, "What was the last thing you remember Slim?"
Let me think, I was playing with a guitar and giggling saying Oh, of great joy, let every body hear me now as I was plugging in an amp. I don't remember anything after that, but from the looks of me I must have gone to bed.
As I watched her mouth open to respond, the old man yells "Guilty" and a loud crack of thunder pierces the room causing her to suddenly look down. I turn to face the old man looking at his book and the business man was gone.
In a whisper the young girl says "He was number nine."
I turn back to her raising my eyebrow at her comment.
She looks up at me and as if she read my face she continues, "She was number one." gesturing with her head to the naval lady. "I was number two and you were number eight and all the others came and went like number nine just did. They disappear in the thunder."
Why do you say this isn't a dream, I ask not quite sure what to make of people going poof to oblivion and obsessed with the information she has about my dream.
She smiles and states, "I was nine when I got sick. I lost all my hair by the time I was ten then a week before my eleventh birthday I was so sick I could not move and Mom and Dad put me in the hospital where I stayed constantly connected to machines. Mama told me just before I went to sleep every night to remember everything that she has taught me and to hold on to the promise." She closes her eyes and as her smile disappears, she looks back into my eyes pleading, "I fell asleep and please Slim, don't tell me its a dream please! Then stretching her arms up, "Here I have no tubes, no pain and look!" she says swishing me in the face with her long blond hair.

"How do you plead?" I over heard bringing my attention back to the old man.
Immediately the lady in front of the old man began barraging him with curse words that prompts me to cover the young girls ears but by the time her tenth word exits her mouth the old mans proclaims "Guilty" and slams his gavel down so hard that it shot out sparks of lightning followed instantly by thunder. The lady was gone, vanished in thin air.
As the echo of the gavel subsides the old man proclaims "Ten has passed by me and only you three have legal representation. Whats up that Slim old buddy?"
I shrug my shoulders and reply You got me on that one boss.
He continues to say "The legal council may now approach the bench." At that moment a youngish man enters from somewhere behind us wearing a white robe, approaches the bench and faces the old man and began to converse quietly.
Then the old man loudly asks "Do you represent these two and Slim", pointing at me. The council turns and glances at us smiles, and turns back to the old man, raises his hand and says "I do!"
I blink at the councils hand in amazement for on the back of it was a visible scar.
Then the old man says "Not guilty you are all free to go."
My heart sinks upon realization, then slips into absolute humbleness over how I have behaved, and how close I was to vanishing forever. I look at the young girl as she jumps up and grabs the marred hand of the council, and while jumping up and down she shouts sounds of thank you. The naval lady who was gagged suddenly began singing and I shake my head in acknowledgment of the restraint.
I rose to I follow the lady and the pretty little girl whom was holding the councils hand walking towards a door I hear "Slim!" The council turns to me and winks with a comment "You asked for it Slim!"
I hold out my hands palms up in an OK what sign before turning to see the old man smiling at me waving to come back.
I march right back in front of him, then stood silent before him as he asks "Slim! Do you remember what I said about you being a funny guy?"
Yeah!
"Well I bet you are! And since you caused so much grief to that real world fun definitely is in order." He turns his attention to the door as I follow his eyes to see the naval lady's clothes changing to a pure white gown, then as she exits the doorway the little girl with the pretty blue dress waves back at me as her clothes changes to white. I look down at my pajamas wondering if my clothes will change and suddenly breaking the silence was the old man laughing in a sinister tone upon the door slamming shut.
I hope things aren't ornery up here, I wonder to myself.
"Bloody right it is sport!" came the mind reading reply.
Oh no! Abort! Abort?

Last edited by ccslim 06-14-2009 at 08:16:31 PM

Re: A poetry challenge

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedJezzabel

write a poem with the title "welcome to hell" and post it. when you do just reply here with a quick "hell posted" so who ever wants to can go read you hell. "


"hell Posted" check it out

Last edited by chinablack 06-04-2009 at 02:50:28 AM

Re: A poetry challenge

what if no truths were redeemed
a body does what a body needs
no thoughts of the mortal soul
only pleasures of the fleshly bold
Death comes lying to them
Truths hidden away by their sins
trapped with the body once
thought so sublime
now brings Torture and pain to the mind
eyes opened, but now too late
Already comes the judgement date
Souls arise from the graves
New bodies in heaven await
while others keep theirs and weep at Hell's gate

Re: A poetry challenge

CCSLIM YOU TOOK IT THERE.......WTF !!!!!


CHINABLACK THANK YOU FOR CHECKING CCSLIM GOOD POEM YOU WROTE THERE CHINA


MANTLE....YOU BROUGHT IT GOOD JOB

Re: Re: A poetry challenge

Re: A poetry challenge

AS I WAS SLEEPING I BEGAN TO DREAM OF A HELL GATE THATS HIDDEN HERE ON EARTH THAT GOD PROTECTS US FROM IN MY DREAM A BACKWARDS POEM BEGAN TO FORM AND HELLS WHERE IT LEADS AS MY DREAM PLAYED OUT Backward poem IN FRENCH

A tout le monde a tout es ami n ((mean))

Remember me before not after this world crashed in my head

A tout le mond A tout es ami jamuseir ja pat par teir ((MEANS))

My body may be gone but spirit still remains

Remember me before not after this world crashed in my head

My body may be gone but spirit still remains
Even when everything turns red under the pain of a dying world

this world is young, green still flows over the land that crushed in my head

As I cried out in pain

My spirit sours free over a dying planet

my parents left to me AT HELLS GATE

Only I couldn't see it till god gave me angel wings

flying me across this dead world red is all I see

Moral of 2 sentences written above
that the beginning is a baby step in time

Death is a true start of the journey that we STARTED AT HELLS GATE
Dianna esquivel 8302008

Last edited by brokenfairyaz 06-13-2009 at 07:10:38 PM

Re: A poetry challenge

Broken.....that was way deep.....loved the whole concept......

Re: A poetry challenge

Welcome to hell
with the toll of the bell
thoughts of flames
going insane
inside my heart
the ache does start
towards heaven does rise
to the other side
stressing my mind
trying so hard to unwind
Welcome to hell
my mind does tell
Welcome to hell
quit ringing that damn bell

Re: A poetry challenge

DUSTYREBEL70.........NICE ONE, I DIG IT!!!!

Re: A poetry challenge

"Welcome to Hell" posted on 6/21/2009. Hope you enjoy.


Welcome to Hell


I can just see the Pearly Gates...
In cloud of Glory, faint, obscure.
On Golden Lane, I await my judgment,
As those before me their fates procure

I stand in joyous expectation...
Can hardly wait my wings to try.
Surely when I cross that portal,
Thru Heaven's beauty my soul shall fly.

I see before me a man who's kneeling...
Fervently praying to deafened ears.
I feel my soul reach out in sorrow,
As his reddened eyes shed crimson tears

I hear the words of sweet repentance...
Tortured words of sinner's cry,
"Father? God? Please forgive me,
I'm sorry I spread that little lie!"

Lie? I shudder in sudden memory...
Why, I told one just yesterday!
Surely I asked for God's forgiveness
Surely I found a place to pray...

I searched my mind in quiet reflection...
Seeking thought of questioned prayer;
Did I repent at bedside kneeling?
Or were my words but pomp and flair?

Surely God, in all His wisdom...
Knows the whiteness of my lie!
Surely my soul is safe in knowing,
That Heaven's streets I'm gonna fly!

I feel the crowd begin to open...
My name is thundered across the span,
I see God revealed, and all His Glory,
As I bow before the Son of Man.

I see the scars of His Crucifixion...
Where for me, He bled and died.
I stand there breathless, awaiting judgment,
Was the Blood, to my life applied???

"Lord of lords, and King of kings...
I stand before You, pure and true.
I've lived my life for the good of others,
I've often shared my thoughts of You"

"I pay my tithes every Sunday...
I read Your Word every night,
I've often helped my fallen brother,
And steered him to Your marvelous Light"

My nervous banter falls to silence...
As He raises high the Book of Life,
He says, "Your name is not recorded,
You're sentenced to Hell's eternal strife."

Just like that, my judgment's ended...
I'm doomed to serve with those who fell,
I'll forever hear the serpent's hissing...
"Enter in, and Welcome to Hell!!!"

Marcus Lewis
6/21/2009

Written in response to a forum post by JadedJezzabel entitled "Welcome to Hell".

Last edited by UnworthyFather 06-23-2009 at 10:47:16 AM

A glimpse of Hell

The young boy
stares down into
a narrow alley
wondering why
two men
are shouting

He cannot budge
nor catch up to those
ahead of him
for fear he’ll miss
the scene unfolding

A teenage man
joins the other two
The shouting abruptly stops
The boy detects
a machete
swinging through
the air connecting
with the teenage man

He wonders if what
he’s viewing means
torture
He remembers hearing
about cruel events
in dungeons
in prisoner camps

A rental van with
tinted windows races
Two men flee
into the van
Screeching tires
startle the little boy

A red airborne mist
from the young
man’s jugular
pools around him
lying facedown


Frozen in space and time
The boy shouts out:
“He’s been killed!”
no sounds
no response
no sirens
no police
no hero
NOBODY

The boy falls down crying-
Helpless to help

Re: A poetry challenge

ginga.......not bad

Re: A poetry challenge

Hell Posted, hope you don't mind but I have a different title but it's my hell. It's title is Messed Up.

Re: A poetry challenge

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedJezzabel

write a poem with the title "welcome to hell" and post it. when you do just reply here with a quick "hell posted" so who ever wants to can go read you hell. "


"hell Posted" check it out

Re: A poetry challenge

hell posted

Re: A poetry challenge

angel2..... i went to your page looking for hell.....lol ..... looking for the hell you said is posted but could not find it......is it called something else?

Where You May Burn

Dante words about hell were almost sugar coated for what is real,
there is little salvation to all those that cheat, steal or kill.
They are lost in sorrow and know nothing but pain hate of what they see,
cast into these hallow walls blinded by ignorence they will be free.

Free to witness the actions they cristened on others to denounce there own lives,
lead them to a path where only selfish indifference leave hatred to survive.
Burned are the thoughts of wrong they think that others have done to them all thier life,
they care not how hard they make others live in strife.

They will never extend a hand to help another see the light at the end,
for they beat themselves with self doubt so no one wishes to be thier friend.
Fuled by vengence and lust their pyro of passion burns everything in sight,
and walking through the ashes of thier victims they bathe in the victory of thier might.

What goes around come full circle when all is said and done,
and they are to be judge by thier actions by one.
They die in spirit when they think there is no way out,
and get lost in the bog of misery and then a dark death awaits in their doubt.

In loneliness and darkness they dwell without the others never coming near,
broken in body and spirit they find they have everything to fear.
Emotions become the chains of despair, and thier wrong pride becomes thier dead weight,
raped by your past and fearing the darkness of your mind they live with this fate.

Hell is where you are shunned from God as you know him to be,
but since God resides in all you are cast in a world where you can't see.
Your termoil last as long as you are sentanced by the one we know as God,
begging in your heart to be any where any place even a stray dog.

You have no flesh but you still burn from the hate and the spiteful words you have made
broken in spirit and in energy you dread this land of the dead.
Your body was the first thing then your spirit was judged by the hurt you caused man,
for in all of the vindictive rightouse hate you could not see the ultimate plan.

You are here because your actions caused others to fail or surrender thier will,
you have made a life out of killing happiness and raping everything you steal.
Your words became poison with no remorse you inflicted hate on others,
making your fellow man your enemy not wanting lovers.

Using your talents to mold the world to your selfish needs,
you have planted nothing but choking weeds
This is why you have been put here to rot your soul, maybe you may learn,
for remember what you do to other for this is where your soul may burn.

Plot121

Last edited by Plot121 08-09-2009 at 08:22:25 PM

Re: A poetry challenge

http://www.originalpoetry.com/heaven-lets-today-pretend-its-hell

please go read mine i called heaven lets today pretend its hell

I don't know how to post the url picture so i'd rather you read it there. hope you like
please comment

Re: Where You May Burn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plot121

Dante words about hell were almost sugar coated for what is real,
there is little salvation to all those that cheat, steal or kill.
They are lost in sorrow and know nothing but pain hate of what they see,
cast into these hallow walls blinded by ignorence they will be free.

Free to witness the actions they cristened on others to denounce there own lives,
lead them to a path where only selfish indifference leave hatred to survive.
Burned are the thoughts of wrong they think that others have done to them all thier life,
they care not how hard they make others live in strife.

They will never extend a hand to help another see the light at the end,
for they beat themselves with self doubt so no one wishes to be thier friend.
Fuled by vengence and lust their pyro of passion burns everything in sight,
and walking through the ashes of thier victims they bathe in the victory of thier might.

What goes around come full circle when all is said and done,
and they are to be judge by thier actions by one.
They die in spirit when they think there is no way out,
and get lost in the bog of misery and then a dark death awaits in their doubt.

In loneliness and darkness they dwell without the others never coming near,
broken in body and spirit they find they have everything to fear.
Emotions become the chains of despair, and thier wrong pride becomes thier dead weight,
raped by your past and fearing the darkness of your mind they live with this fate.

Hell is where you are shunned from God as you know him to be,
but since God resides in all you are cast in a world where you can't see.
Your termoil last as long as you are sentanced by the one we know as God,
begging in your heart to be any where any place even a stray dog.

You have no flesh but you still burn from the hate and the spiteful words you have made
broken in spirit and in energy you dread this land of the dead.
Your body was the first thing then your spirit was judged by the hurt you caused man,
for in all of the vindictive rightouse hate you could not see the ultimate plan.

You are here because your actions caused others to fail or surrender thier will,
you have made a life out of killing happiness and raping everything you steal.
Your words became poison with no remorse you inflicted hate on others,
making your fellow man your enemy not wanting lovers.

Using your talents to mold the world to your selfish needs,
you have planted nothing but choking weeds
This is why you have been put here to rot your soul, maybe you may learn,
for remember what you do to other for this is where your soul may burn.

Plot121

Re: Re: A poetry challenge

Re: A poetry challenge

Okay:
What I figure, is that if Hell really were to exist, it would have to service millions or billions of entities. That would mean that Hell would probably need to have specialized organizational entities to deal with special problems. Here's how the medical area in Hell is shaping up:

OH HELL!
AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY


Oh Hell!! he said right after lunch
I’m thirsty for a beer
Why don’t
We start
A brewery up,
And have
Our beer right here?

It’s Hell enough to work
On this assembly line for jerks
Selling worthless damn prescriptions that
Hit patients in the purse

A witch on line haranguing all the time
To make the matter worse,
Keeps paper bill submission times
In line with bureaucratic minds
Demanding greater shares of time
Than time spent on the work!

What’s happened
To the satisfaction;
The days when
Warring payer factions
Were viewed as shameful
Moral distractions,
And by far the greatest satisfaction
Warmed the doctor’s Soul’s reaction:
With real productive work!

WHY, IT'S GONE TO HELL, WHAT ELSE?

Re: A poetry challenge

Hell posted!!!

Also, my first attempt at Haiku

Re: A poetry challenge

Read my poem They Screech. I wouldn't call it that because I don't want to give away the ending.

Re: Re: A poetry challenge

Quote:

Originally Posted by devaamido

Okay:
What I figure, is that if Hell really were to exist, it would have to service millions or billions of entities. That would mean that Hell would probably need to have specialized organizational entities to deal with special problems. Here's how the medical area in Hell is shaping up:

OH HELL!
AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY


Oh Hell!! he said right after lunch
I’m thirsty for a beer
Why don’t
We start
A brewery up,
And have
Our beer right here?

It’s Hell enough to work
On this assembly line for jerks
Selling worthless damn prescriptions that
Hit patients in the purse

A witch on line haranguing all the time
To make the matter worse,
Keeps paper bill submission times
In line with bureaucratic minds
Demanding greater shares of time
Than time spent on the work!

What’s happened
To the satisfaction;
The days when
Warring payer factions
Were viewed as shameful
Moral distractions,
And by far the greatest satisfaction
Warmed the doctor’s Soul’s reaction:
With real productive work!

WHY, IT'S GONE TO HELL, WHAT ELSE?

Re: A poetry challenge

Hey Miss jezzabel, maybe if you've had enough of hell, you could post a Heaven challenge...there are a lot of us out here who cherish Heaven and abhor hell, and the creep who runs it.

gogant................