Innocent Love
Love was a mystery to metherapist says it started when i was three
with a kissin cousin who was blonde and handsome
this started when we were both very young.
To love and to marry
that was our plan
when I was a woman
and he was a man.
Our time together was swimmin', and fishin'
no blood did we share, just huggin and kissin'
cousins, skin so bare, someone had to know,
what was going on when we would go....
Too young for ceremonies
even pregnancy or jail.
Too attracted to one another
to let family hatred prevail.
Can't help but wonder
what started our curiosity?
How it grew to be so...
intense, sexually?
What did we see?
I have pondered for years
through the pain and the tears
whether we were right or wrong?
I have rationalized, made excuses and lied
been therapeutic, accepting and cried.
Tried to release the loss in the words of a song,
but it always came out all wrong.
I never felt guilt
nor dirty or a whore.
But a nightmare remains when i was a bit older
when i had screamed and said no more!
Still he wouldn't let me go,
I'd squeezed with all my might
I tried to keep him out
to stop what wasn't right.
And my father couldn't hear
he'd been drinkin and wasn't near.
Anger remains for my mother when told,
she became unbelieving and cold.
Doesn't understand my hatred still to this day,
doesn't remember her inaction made me this way.
So now he's a grandpa...in an old shack
where he likes to tinker and hide
I saw him once when i visited there
after my aunt had died,
that's one time that I really tried.
It is quiet when i am around
in his mourning and sadness
we don't make a sound
the silence is like madness.
No police were ever told, no testifying,
i was promiscuous, and must be lying.
My mother and father were to blame,
my childhood would never be the same.
I learned to keep quiet,
toprotect family, prevent the riot.
My loss i thought, to never be his wife,
my pain was not worth caging anothers life.
So, last year I kissed him on the cheek
and then I told him his grandbaby was sweet
and to call if he ever needed anything
and somehow fixed my broken wing.
Because I hopped in my car,
wished upon a star
and while I slowly drove away
thought of Montego Bay
and stared at my ring
and started to sing!
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