The Silence
I stare up, looking to find a solace I know won't comeMy world clouding with the gloom of Sheol
And my eyes find Gehenna a welcome, foreboding future
I know in hearing the memories of the past, I've lost all hope in the future
forgetting for a moment, that I live in the present
Dispassion is removed from me; my disposition set ablaze the human condition
like the souls bathed in hellfire
In this, I can't stop to remember what I have, but I quickly remember what I lost
Oh, how my eyes are drowned in the war of my soul
My tears fall now as all I see is the shades flitting about in their mad confusion
Am I free, or is my slavery greater than one my ancestors knew?
I don't know who I am anymore, and I love to find out
To try and undo the hemorrhage that began from an unknown wound
that pierced my side
No, I am not The Christ, and I do not bring my own salvation
But has my life become Hell though I know El Shaddai?
Can the Angels come from on high to bring a word of Deliverance?
Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani?
Have you truly forsook me, when you said you wouldn't?
Though I have taken up my cross and lay exposed before the World in wind and rain, my blood pouring me into Sheol, I can't remember who I am
all I know is the defeaning silence that roars like the pounding storms of my life
And all I can see is Gehenna before me, the gloom of the twilight
et lux perpetua luceat eis
Te Decet hymnus Deus, in Sion
et tibi reddetur votum, Ierusalem
Exaudi orationem mean;
ad te omnis caro, veniet
Requiem aeternam dano eis, Domine
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
What did I embrace, that my heart lies broken, my mind tormented and my soul becomes a sorrowful dirge?
Where am I that I know nothing, am nothing and will be nothing, but a flitting memory in the annals of time.
Though the sound of the liturgy draws me to linger, my shade should weep tears of iron and of blood, for what I wanted is no longer mine to hold
In this, as I am seeing the fields of gehenna, of blood and of suffering, I can only hear the prayer go up
The priest, his head so low, and the Tears of the Faithful fall as the soft candles blaze like a thousand souls over the bed I will claim for eternity
Who can justify the pain of one, when millions suffer worse
and so they say to me as I lie there:
Dies iræ! dies illa
Solvet sæclum in favilla:
Teste David cum Sibylla!
Quantus tremor est futurus,
Quando iudex est venturus,
Cuncta stricte discussurus!
Tuba, mirum spargens sonum
Per sepulchra regionum,
Coget omnes ante thronum
Mors stupebit, et natura,
Cum resurget creatura,
Iudicanti responsura.
Liber scriptus proferetur,
In quo totum continetur,
Unde mundus iudicetur.
Iudex ergo cum sedebit,
Quidquid latet, apparebit:
Nil inultum remanebit
Quid sum miser tunc dicturus?
Quem patronum rogaturus,
Cum vix iustus sit secures
Rex tremendæ maiestatis,
Qui salvandos salvas gratis,
Salva me, fons pietatis.
Recordare, Iesu pie,
Quod sum causa tuæ viæ:
Ne me perdas illa die.
Quærens me, sedisti lassus:
Redemisti Crucem passus:
Tantus labor non sit cassus.
Iuste iudex ultionis,
Donum fac remissionis
Ante diem rationis.
Ingemisco, tamquam reus:
Culpa rubet vultus meus:
Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Qui Mariam absolvisti,
Et latronem exaudisti,
Mihi quoque spem dedisti
Preces meæ non sunt dignæ:
Sed tu bonus fac benigne,
Ne perenni cremer igne.
Inter oves locum præsta,
Et ab hædis me sequestra,
Statuens in parte dextra.
Confutatis maledictis,
Flammis acribus addictis:
Voca me cum benedictis
Oro supplex et acclinis,
Cor contritum quasi cinis:
Gere curam mei finis.
Lacrimosa dies illa,
Qua resurget ex favilla
Judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Pie Jesu Domine,
Dona eis requiem. Amen.
Love, lust pain and damnation of my flesh
Destitution is far from what I expect, for a fate worse than Gehenna, of hell and death eternal
is oblivion
But I blink my eyes once... twice... thrice even.
I am alive
But the true Hell was being with out you.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis....
Grant to me peace, as I lay here... dying of a broken heart.
Yes... a broken heart. A wound that bleeds and I don't know that it does.
Oh my, that you gave me this flesh and this organ, that my life draws strength from
If I can have it taken, then I know that I die, and that suffering is mitigated by that strange fact
that the life I lived would be nothing like the last time I held you, I kissed you
Yes, my death, my Requiem, sung sorrowfully for Angels that will not comfort nor retrieve
and God, who watches and says nothing, yet weeps quietly for his beloved soul he molded in beauty
Grant to me peace, as I lay here... dying of a broken heart.
My God, My God, why have you forsaken me...
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