Ain’t no revolution going on inside my head.
I ain’t interested in people repeating what I said.
Sometimes, I just wanna blend in. Damn.
Can’t I be who I am?
All my life, I invited other people’s insight to me define me.
Spent life in a cage with myself far behind me.
Molding myself, always holding myself under spying eyes to be viewed.
If only they knew.
From the time that I first took a breath,
seems like I’ve tried to be the best…
for who-for you and you don’t even know my name.
And knowing this, I still can’t change?
One day I woke up.
One day I woke up and I opened my eyes.
One day I woke up and I opened my eyes and I focused.
One day I woke up and I opened my eyes and I focused on me.
I hadn’t done that shit before.
So you can imagine, when I took the time and woke up
all my womanly intuitions were broke up.
I could not conceptualize alone,
life with all those meaningless tasks of living gone.
Shit. Sometimes I get tired,
would be better off fired,
but that light bill just won’t quit,
no matter how much I hate this shit.
And in the meantime, I give up bits and pieces of my mind,
trying to find
what never was
just because
I know this can’t be the life designed for me
…cause I ain’t free.
And no matter how much I try to convince myself
that what is left of the part of me that life won’t let me be,
I just can’t breathe.
I built a prison in my home,
turned the ringer off on my phone,
erased myself from evening escapades,
gave up dreams of Escalades,
work for the State, just so I don’t have to say,
“It’s alright if you call me at home“
cause God forbide, I have a moment alone.
Whew! When the hell am I supposed to breathe
fulfill my needs,
spend time with me?