You call again
“What are you doing?”
You know what I’m doing
I’m dying because I know I can’t see you
“Can I come over tonight?”

Every ounce of my being screams to tell you yes,
Come over right now
Come over ten minutes ago
What took you so long to call?
Come over immediately

“I know you work tomorrow, I just want to make out…”
Softly, coyly, the apple is presented
We’ve had this discussion before
I will not be your illicit affair
I will not be the hidden lover
I will not cosign your dishonest behavior

I want to hold you in my arms
I long to feel you soft against me
I yearn to taste lips sweet

I cannot
I will not
I must not

You hurt me deeply
The last time we parted
“I’ll hurt you” you said
“I’m only using you to make me feel better” you told me
I was once willing to suffer the abuse
I was willing to be your intoxicant
No longer
If this cannot be in the light of day
It cannot be
I will not barter my self respect
For a few moments of empty pleasure
And hours and days of remorse and pain
I am not capable of the emotional disconnect

No
You cannot come over
As much as I want you to
No.
Perhaps when we can be honest
Until then…