Sobriety
I wish I could say
Something
Anything
About you bargaining your health away.
Making deals with your friends
The whole "I'll stop if you stop"
Bullshit propaganda brigade
Of unruly teenagers wishing they could stop
Stop smoking stop drinking just stop, stop, STOP
Bullshitting your life away into these
Teenage drinking sessions
Where you can't stop puking until three a.m.
But you don't want to be alone.
You don't want to be the only sober one
That's actually living a life where you're going
Somewhere
Anywhere
Besides jail.
But you won't stop.
You won't stop unless I stop
But what if I can't stop
What if I let you down
And you're disappointed in me.
What if I pick up another square
What if
What if
What if I get drunk in front of you.
Would you relapse?
Or you'll think that it's okay for you to do the same
Because you'll only stop if I stop
But I can't stop.
I can't stop because those little voices
Housed inside of my head,
They mutter words of encouragement.
They tell me to keep
Drinking
Smoking
Having fun.
Because if I don't have fun and
If I don't drink and
If I can't smoke
Then the voices won't keep quiet
During the day
Or at night
Or anytime I can't stop
Because then I'll want to kill myself.
Again.
Then I'll resort to the same patterns and the
Same stupidity of sobriety
That put me into this position in the first place
One of us can be saved.
YOU can be saved
But you won't let yourself be saved
Because you'll only stop if I stop.
And
I
Can't
Stop.
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