Poem for My Oldest Son

There's reasons behind this smile,
and there's reasons i tend to cry.
I have put you through pain,
and you have asked me why.

Mom hasen't been strong and only wants
to give you the life she never had
I am sorry I have somewhat let you down
and im sorry you have had to see the bad

The bad in me that wasn't your fault
and it never ever will be
There are some things mom wants to hide
and never ever wants you to see

Things people have put right in my face
and i still chose to ignore and block out
So when i get angry it is never your fault
That mommy breaks down and screams and shouts

I hurt deep down from the outside in
Instead of reaching out for help I hold it down
When it finally does surface and i let it all go
Its directed towards the people around

I can only say i love you and try to fix my wrong,
Son Im sorry and please keep your head high
Bare with mommy as i go through this
and I promise it will get better in time

When I feel the need to break down
and let it all go
ill make sure its not towards you
this i want you to know

Mommy is sorry one more time for
everything i chose to put you through
You are my life my world my everything
And Mommy Loves You