When I first had the courage to leave you
The pain you tried so hard to shovel down into me
Only knew how to come back in scores of vomit
A silent wretching, an odd cleansing no one else could see.

I remember the humiliation of being made
To walk around naked all day so I couldn't escape
Like the animal in the zoo, the dog you could come home and kick
The caveman who used my hair as a leash, the woman you could rape.

My own rage and anger would raise up after I was first free, but
Only for awhile...for I found it isn't in me to hold onto that deep dark hate
With the Spirit, the real Spirit of God in me, I know His love flows
Love even for the man who seemed pretty bent on death as my fate.

As I flash to the thought of your thick stubby fingers locked around
My small delicate throat, I so wanted to scream, yet no one to hear
Now my throat can now sing songs of beauty, joy and blessed freedom
As I no longer need to swallow your jealousy and fear.

Note how it's your fear, your anger, your rage, your sewage
You tried to purge out of you and siphon into me
You were left standing alone in it all, a little shocked perhaps
Your reaction is no longer of importance to me.

And I am actually, in some perverse way, sad for you
That you need to gulp back down all that insanity and pain
And then I need to leave it in God's Hands to be there
For the next woman you try to shove into all your shame.

The memories remain, but only as protection
To never make this mistake yet another time
And even if I am alone without a partner ever again
At least this life will be peacefully mine.