My Dad died today.....

My Dad died today, it was expected, yet the stark finality causes sadness to overwhelm me like a damp dark fog.  I feel enshrouded with hopelessness, hopelessness to hear some resemblance of; "I am proud of you, your doing a great job, I am so glad we had you even if you were a surprise". 
So I gather my thoughts from the ooze of rejection and ponder, what can be done with, "chill to the bone" memories of abuse, lost dreams, lost promises, lost chances?  I can't, never could change what was but I can use the emptiness and longing for my Dad's love to make me stronger, not stronger with the vile negatives broken people use to survive but better, more loving more generous, more joyful, setting to flight on the wings of a vulture any realm of self pity, bitterness, and yes hopelessness, because a vulture is far more able to absorb and dissolve all the toxicity that would most certainly destroy the essence of who I was born to be.  I choose a full life with my TRUE Father, Almighty God and forsake living life as a helpless victim!
So thank you Dad for teaching me what not to do, for giving me my existence and with a timid, hopeful heart I am learning to love myself and others...........