L.i.f.e livin in fear everyday

What is suppose to be a gift,
i see as a curse,
you enter it from a women,
leave it from a church,
i look up as ask why,
but after years of not bein answered,
i just grab a pen a pad,
a let the pen move like a dancer,
i've been cold,i've been hot,
almost stabbed,almost shot,
at once had alot,
the quickly lost every thing that i've got,
been told i should be thankful,
theres people who are not here,
ask me they are the lucky ones,
i would trade places wit no fear,
take a look at my right shoulder,
you can see my initials clear,
but also the grimreaper head,
cause with everyday death is near,
i'm a product of my own mind,
influenced by my surroundings,
understood by know one like a fish in water drowning,
i hide behind smiles,but never on camera,
cause looking at my self happy ,
is a lie i can't handle,
you might ask why are you so sad,
you should talk about how u feel,
you know what thats a good idea,
i'll make sure they send you the bill,
i don't know whut it is,
that makes me feel so different,
its like i'm not really alive,
 a lost soul on a mission