In my Anorexic thinking,

I was nothing close to clever,

my consciousness sinking...

In my Anorexic living,

I was nothing close to viable,

my selfish ambition unforgiving.

In my Anorexic loving,

I was nothing close to passionate,

my heart desperate for a second coming.

In my Anorexic laughing,

I was nothing close to fun or witty,

my insides brutalized from an emotional slashing.

In my Anorexic vision,

I was nothing close to free,

day in, day out, dodging certain collision.

In my Anorexic body,

I was nothing close to healthy,

softened bones, wasted organs, and teeth rotting.

In my Anorexic soul,

I was nothing close to decorated,

malnourished, unloved, undone, unwhole.

In my Anorexic presence,

I was nothing close to available,

emotionally starved, barren of seed, of essence.

In my Anorexic hands,

I was nothing close to reachable,

heavy in cells, but drained of life, in weak command.

In my Anorexic eyes,

I was nothing close to sighted,

blind in faith, deficient in vision, believing blatant lies.

In my Anorexic heart,

I was nothing close to alive,

you can't get blood from a stone, from a life torn apart.

In my Anorexic being,

I was nothing close to existence,

stoic, numb, desensitized from pain, from feeling.

In my Anorexic intimacy,

I was nothing close to loving,

between hope and hell was a fine art of balancing.

In my Anorexic hatred,

I was nothing close to sanity,

a life squandered, years destroyed, lost, wasted.

In my Anorexic blood,

I was nothing close to sustaining life,

hollow, rigid, cold, unprepared for the flood.

In my Anorexic time,

I searched for the dream I knew I'd never attain,

it teased me, danced around me, mercilessly taunted my mind.

In my Anorexic death,

I let go,

I took a breath...

and...

In my Anorexic freedom,

I took back my life,

I know my place, my purpose, my dreams...

I'm alive, I'm here...

I'm living, I'm loving, I'm breathing.

©2008 KMS