Bulimic

   Remembering that I'm only human i began to cry
drowning by these clouds lingering ova filled with lies.
I'm just waiting for my clothes to be drenched so i can take them off,
is this my excuse for never falling in love?
if it is I'm usually the one preaching rise above,
the way you were hurt just put it away
when really i was the one hiding behind and running like a stray.
my past wasn't a pretty one and i thought neither am i,
so i stick my fingers down my throat substituting for the cry.
i bring it up i bring it up my heart starts to beat fast,
all of this pressure hopefully surpasses my past.
God where are you now? finding out it don't work this way,
i gota pray more not just this day.
I'm killing myself slowly slowly but in the worse pain,
i know about it I'm a pro but still i remain 
stuck in a place where depression is my only high.
after i rise from over the toilet in my eyes all  i see is die die!
well hey i lost the weight so why cant i stop,
because when i get mad i found a way to get back on top.
my family found out so now i gota front,
wondering now if they gonna hear me throw p my lunch.
so i hide in my room and throw up in a bag,
moving quickly when i heard a noise i wiped my mouth with a rag.
when i finish i sit my back against the wall,
knowing if i stood id probably fall.
its been 8 years now and bulimic is still my best friend,
wonder will he be here to the end or will he be the end?