Addicted

It was something all my friends had mentioned. 
They laughed and joked and smiled when they recalled it.
The joy was intriguing, so I tried to involve myself in it.

I felt… disappointed, when I first tried it.
I wasn't welcomed. I felt like I shouldn't have been there.
Let alone trying to take part in what was happening.

I didn't try it again, until some years later.
She was the nicest person I had ever met,
But I didn't know her that well. That's why I went.

I heard the words they said, and I saw all of their actions.
At first, I just watched. 
Week after week. 

I never stepped a foot further than what was comfortable to me.
I never tried anything I was unfamiliar with.
But after months of watching, not much wasn't familiar.

That night, something was different. 
The music was louder, and the people were moving faster.
It all came down to one question, and I raised my hand.

The beginning was short.
A few directive words, and I plunged in.
What happened after would last a lifetime.

I was… awkward, at first.
Like a baby first learning to walk.
I was scared, so I never told anyone.

All of those months of watching came in handy.
I knew how to act right, and how to talk right.
I knew every action, and every line.

I wondered why it wasn't the same for me.
Why I wasn't like the rest of them.
But my mask was so great that my act was easy.

Years went by, and I learned to be one of them.
When I was around them, I was loud, I was passionate.
When I was at home, I was my old self again.

I think a few of them saw right through me.
But no one ever got to know me,
So my front was never weakened.

I don't know what was different about that night.
That day that I gave up my mask, I dropped my act.
I think, I was just tired of giving anything, and getting nothing.

So I gave everything.
It started quietly.
I don't think anyone really noticed.

I noticed. 
It wasn't a week by week experience anymore.
It was an everyday addiction.

I couldn't live from big event to big event.
I was giving myself up, everyday.
I was falling deeper into this lifestyle.

I didn't act the way I was acting before.
Everything changed.
In front of everyone, in front of no one.

I lost my mind.
I lost old passions.
I lost my life.

I think, at that point, they noticed.
They could feel the difference in me.
They could see the difference.

At first, it was just my heart.
It wrapped itself around the deepest part of me.
It wouldn't let go.

Then, it got to my stomach.
I couldn't function without it,
I couldn't fight off the hunger.

It got into my mind.
I couldn't forget it.
It was there, even when I wasn't.

The scariest part?
When it got to my tongue.
It wrapped itself around, and took charge.

My body was, obedient.
It couldn't help to yearn for it.
I was addicted. I was consumed.

Now, it controlled me.
It took hold, and didn't let go.
It never let go.

It's hard to live in a world, where no one else knows.
Where only a select few have given themselves over.
For now, we dwindle. 

I want the world to know.
The joy, the experience, the lifestyle.
I want to get them addicted.

Until the day I leave this earth,
And go to be with this fire,
I will tell them. I will lead them.

To The All Consuming Fire.