A Crush

I think there are stages of a broken heart. I think both people's heart break just not at the same time. I mean there is love between two people and they hurt each other to the point where they can't go on together anymore. A crush is one when you think you are in love with someone you don't know, and it crushes you they don't feel the same way. Love is when you both feel the crush, not just one of you. This is where my story began with two crushes that turn into a love and both people were crushed.
He was a handsome and smart. For a guy he was pretty short, but that didn't matter. We had both came out of serious relationships and we were attending a parenting after divorce class. He looked so shy and out of place. I am friendly and love to talk. I didn't know if he was friendly, so when they asked us to introduce ourselves to person next to us I turned to the lady sitting next to me. She turned away from me right away and turned to her soon to be ex-husband. I turned back at him embarrassed and smiled. I didn't ever catch his name, however I told him my whole life story. We both start our crushes on each other. We new nothing about each other. About seven months into the relationship I seen a loser who I wanted to dumped. My needs were so unfulfilled, and I was so angry. The crush was over and reality set in. I told him I would marry him, but now I didn't want to. My crush had ended. All I felt was emptiness; I told his family that he should dump me. If I could I would have changed that, it proved to be one of the dumbest mistakes later on. We broke up and I was relieved and grateful. I felt this connection with him, and in my heart I knew it was not over. We got back together within the next couple of months and we got married 8 months later. Our marriage went sour because I kept feeling so empty and so did he. I became verbally abusive, and his heart kept braking until it shattered. I remember the last time he tried to reach me, he said, "You don't like me." It was true what he said, but we were married. He left less than two weeks later. I felt a failure I have never felt before. I decided to save our marriage and learn to love him for who he was instead of who I wanted him to be. He found someone in the mist of me trying to fall in love with him again. We were married and he move in with another girl. He told me not to bother him, and it was over. We were married, and I thought it meant for better or worse. I still felt this terrible connection, but I let him have the divorce. We didn't talk for 6 months, and I try to tell myself it was over. I felt our connection and he called. We started our relationship like it had never ended like the divorce and his mistress never happened. Except it was me who loved him for him, not him who loved me. I fell in love with him all of him then he went for the first girl who talked to him. He realized he still love me and apologized. I was angry, I lashed out. I said horrible things and told him it was over and to never call me again. He went with the other girl, and moved on. I still felt the connection, and I called him 8 months later. We got back together, and I was still madly in love with him. However we spent a short while together and I realize he must have never known me. The connection I has thought we had for five years meant nothing to him including our marriage. He had a crush on me, and he thought he was in love. I knew him and understood him. Nonetheless the connection I felt was never real. He just had a crush on someone he never really knew and thought he loved. I learn to love someone I didn't even like at first. He ended up with someone new and forgot about me. I don't know if this is sad or just karma.