To Disappear

I wanted to write something here so fickle is my mind it's trying to disappear it doesn't like me you see it won't tell me why i have these feathery wings or the halo around my head held up by horns and a pitched forked tail

what am I a angel a devil a ghost am I alive anymore am I the host of my own ghost oh i'm sorry who are you a soul are you my soul are you the one who won't let me go who grabs on to me and pulls me close who never lives yet always dies inside of me each time i cry and try to reach up to pull myself out of this hole that my body keeps digging and tossing me down buries me underground only to dig me back up and throw me in a pool to drown in sorrow

 I want to try to lift my head up high but it hurts to try to fly should I lay down now and just die to give up to lie to say what you do to me doesn't hurt and smile never mind I think i'll lay here and close my eyes awhile.