Platinum lines the walls, blares into my eyes,
sears my eyes balls as they roll back in pleasure
from her mouth on my body that sweats and screams to a crowd but really no one in particular.
I search for my life's fix and can't find it,
even after ten years of rockability I got no style.
Coated in the laughter soaked with love,
it makes me quake in fear,
a needle that had my death sentence,
this will hurt in the morning.

So hot in the fields my back is burned black and am scorned for it
these hands so soft are tough with hate for the faces that shine like the moon.
Jeering laughter and whips and pains
no love allowed though I see him standing tall waiting for me I can't.
Late nights fists clenched with anger,
but I don't dare hit the moon face as he ruins my body until I can't think of myself without getting sick.
I see the sickle and it looks mighty friendly with a crooked smile
and I see him running toward me,
but the sickle's already kissed my neck.

OUtside is the nasty place full of faces prettier than mine,
oh why did my mother have to be ugly?
Flashes of cats preening for the wolves,
licking their chops as they sway to the beat.
Why am I here?
Everyday I go through the pain of staring into their lovely eyes,
snap snap snap of the camera immortalizing their perfection that I lack.
A wolfish grin turned sour as it meets my face and the pain is back.
Need a way out, need to find the sanctuary,
but it's hiding and the envelope opener gleams brightly in the moon light, my moonlight.

Too fat, too fat, this fat, that fat, my fat.
Pinch pinch pinch, run run run, fat fat fat.
Still fat fat fat, run run runrunrunrrurnurrurnrunrurrurururun.
No food no food, food is bad makes me fat and look like an ugly.
God why am I so fat?!
Everywhere, sagging off my hips, clumping on my thighs, pinching on my arms, swelling on my stomach. Suddenly skinny, too skinny skinny skinny skinny.
I can see my liver.

Cheesy smiles, hurried kisses, fake kisses
long awkward sex and a not so shy director "thrust harder!"
Couldn't believe this happened,
can't believe the pain, the shame the smell.
Numb, no more, if I feel I cry which would ruin the make up that makes me look eighteen.
Harsh stings who likes this anyway,
old men, customers and parties that make hell seem pleasant.
Selected out of twenty, why not her, she's pretty.
Gotta go pee, be right back.
See the sleepers, the ones that help me calm down for a night.
Calm down forever.

Don't know what to say,
he's so cool, all the girls like him, so pretty, so clean, so big.
Smiling at the crowd, such a nice guy, maybe he'd say yes?
Untuck shirt, pull up skirt, roll down socks.
I look good? Pull on hair walk to him hear the silence.
"What do you want?" "You're body, late at night."
Laugh loud, no one else.
Nobody understands my joke, my funny joke,
then I remember rule 1: think about what you say before you say it.
Clap my hand on my mouth and run,
I made the mistake again.
Can't I be normal?
Can't I understand the cool kids?
They said it was a mild case, nothing special,
but I mess up every time, and its not my fault.
Find the jumping rope in the gym and tie it on the beam.
Maybe if he sees, he'll feel bad about the Asperger girl.