Questions of my thoughts

Self doubt, thoughts of you with someone else,
   instead of me....
Makes me crazy, my mind and body ache,
   now i finally see...
just what it feels like to be put at the bottom of
   the one you wants list.....
and for rael it leaves me lonely, unsatisfied, and
   yea, a little pissed....
so little history together, yet too much
   of a negative past....
forgive and forget is what i want to say, yet live and
   learn is what i hear last....
so, walk away (which i can't) seems to be the option
   left to choose....
but the sence of comfort, and the mind blowing pleasure
   i don't want to lose....
this friendship of ours is true and honest, FOREVER
   on my part....
it's just so hard to ignore all the rest, when its always
   pounding in my heart....