so a pastor
said to me
"all you need is patience,
& a guide from above
& in due time
you'll find your
love"....

I went home
& thought about what
he had said..
patience
& a guide from above?
then something came inside me
& made me
pull out my knife
& my wrists
gave the blade
a kiss....

Is that love?

Looking back
I got alot of that
when i was 8
& a person in my life
almost took advantage of me....

that's love?

when i was 10
& kept getting severely
Beaten....

Is this really love?

Or when my family said
to "just kill myself,
but dont get blood
on the sheets"
or if i really wanted
"they could do it for me
in my sleep"....

I think i found my love.

Or when i was 14
and basically living in
the street
cuz my mom disowned me,
judging me off of
1 year of skool,
then labeling me a fool
cuz i didnt bring straight A's
& really messed up my grades....

Yeah i got it.

That's love, yea
Im startin to realize
why people die for it.

Wow, I've had my love all along....