Sometimes i find myself looking out my window
Searching for explanations on the past
I catch a glimps of some and try to figure out what they mean
I rack my brain until there is a constant joult of pain that feels like someone is hitting me with a hammer
I cant seem to figure them out
I stop and give up knowing i cant go on with pain as sharp as this
I take a break and regain my strength
I then go back to the same spot to start again
I realize through all the steam that collected on my eyes during this time that i figured out what they mean
When i look out that window i see myself twenty years ago
Being born into this world
Growing up a different person
Being able to get along with my siblings 
And being able to have my family back together in one peice again.