last dance after the dance

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    last dance after the dance

    he was cool as cool
    came be in 1974
    bell bottoms, long moppy hair,
    just before disco.....he was cool.
    she was the same bell bottoms, tank tops
    long hair....with folk singer dreams,
    with small town rules.
    they danced in the middle of cement iron and wood
    she rested on his chest.......he pushed into her
    and she pushed back.....somewhere a ball shot
    light dots on cement walls and on the wooden floor
    magic.......she left him high and dry.....after the song
    he danced his way home between shadows of street lights
    and darken homes.

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    Forestbird commented on last dance after the dance

    11-17-2009

    It feels like I just watched little video. Such a wonderfull painting with words

    linlee commented on last dance after the dance

    06-07-2009

    Hi, I'm linlee. This is the first poem I have read here. I didn't understand the second line, "came be in 1974", but I can live with it. I like the mood of it all. I'm also a little confused about her leaving him high and dry, and yet he danced his way home... But I think the last of the poem is strong and interesting, "he danced his way home between shadows of street lights and darken(ed?) homes. I think you have something good going on here, and I hope you get lots of positive comments. Are you planning to work on it some more, or is it a finished poem? I think you could make it a little bit stronger, like maybe add some more specific imagery and replace the dots with something else, because those dots usually mean that you are leaving something out. It could be confusing to someone who is a perfectionist about grammar and such. Thank you for letting us see this poem. linlee

    If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

    Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

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