...how am i...

im so down because it's my first holiday with out you,
u think it's so easy, but how make it thought,
i can't believe your gone and i'll never see you again,
you come back to me, this just can't be the end,
i can't believe this happened and now your gone,
i know life's no fairytale, but it seems like a nightmare's began,
since you left everythingsso hard, and nothin is right,
i'e been through so much since then, i cant even sleep at night,
i try to put a smile on, and act like im okay,
but everynight repeats itself, and happens the same way,i cry myself to sleep, thinking how tomorrow will end,
i dont sleep because all i keep thinking bout is how i lost my best friend,
everyone tells me, there life is so messed up, & dont know wat to do,
but i got so much going through my life right now and noone to talk to,
i dont have my dad, and you were my best friend,
but they're going through stuff too, and it feels like its all coming to an end,
i miss you so much and i cant help but to cry,
i just want you to know im hurting because u chose to die!