Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy

3 Comments

Tags:
  • Sadness

    Poem Commentary

    I wanted to fuse 'Ghuzal' in a Haiku format.  This is the result.  Please let me know what you think.

    Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy

     Pain always tempts me
    Feelings come uneasily
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    It wears what is true
    To cloak it from me and you
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    When you meet its face
    The greet, you cannot erase
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    Watch out for its teeth
    Grief lurks there slightly beneath
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    It will kill your heart
    Its shrills will tear you apart
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    Kaiprin binds what winds
    As wounds mind all I might find
    Ghuzal Tragedy

    Poem Comments

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    RHPeat commented on Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy

    12-22-2009

    Kaiprin// Personally I'd cut the (Ghuzal Tragedy) in every tercet and keep the rhyming cuplet. In the last one I might reword it for the better rhyme that you have within the internal line: (Kaiprin's winds are what bind// As wounds mind all I might find//). A poet friend// RH peat
    Reply to Comment

    sunago commented on Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy

    12-21-2009

    Sorry I havent gotten back to you or am never here to chat. I have been sort of busy. I got your message and wanted to check out your haikus. Now keep in mind that for me personally I am not very good with Haikus, I dont really understand how they are supposed to work. And mine didnt make any sense when I tried to do one. I like how this poem is it describes pain very well, every line a little obscure and hard to automatically understand, each line elusively describing the biting pain that at times comes and goes. A demon striking from the shadows and quickly retreating only to strike again. Pain is a hard feeling to describe different to each person and varying in intensity. This poem shows pain in a very intimate way letting someone who may never know what this pain is, see and almost understand. I'm not sure if my viewpoint of it is coming out right but just know that I think you did a good job with it and I like it.
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    Kaiprin

    12/21/2009

    Thanks Sun. I appreciate the compliment and you understood the intent. Pain is bearable and at times, unbearable. We all feel it, like you said, to varying degrees, but to translate that is tricky. It's like pain is there when it's not, or at the very least, when it's not supposed to be.

    WordSlinger commented on Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy

    12-21-2009

    I like your story Haiku's very impressive, thanks for the invite, :) WS
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

    Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

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